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Question
Posted by: Single Girl | 2006/04/07

Scared of relationships- still single- Bipolar

Dear Cybershrink

I would like to hear your opinion on this issue. I am 33 and have never been in a serious relationship with a guy. I have been in therapy for a long time (stopped last year) and I don't think I have any unresolved issues.

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder(mixed) about 7 years ago. I am well controlled on medication.

I like being with people and have a lot of friends, but all female. Most of my friends are already married. I never bothered me, because being with men "stresses" me out.
I have always felt that men ignore me or don't see me.
Am I invisible? . And on the occasions that people have arranged for me to go out with a guy it never works out- never past a second date. My longest relationship was mostly per telephone for 2 months, when we saw each other again after 2 months it was a lost case.

I am starting to think I am giving off a vibe? But I am also very scared of men. If I have to choose being with a man now or being on my own I would choose alone. Every time in the past that I has a failed attempt it reinforced the idea that I am not good enough.
Please note- I do not go out to meet men: but my friends are always trying to fix me up with someone.
My biggest fear is rejection.

At this stage I am quite happy on my own, in my confort zone. But I love children- an I am already 33. Yes, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be like other people. But- would I be able to fall pregnant and have a baby being on medication for Bipolar Disorder? And, I am also concerned about raising a baby having Bipolar.

I would really appreciate your opinion.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello SG,
Well, with all due respect to your therapist, if you are "stressed out" when you meet men, and bothered by a lack of relationships there, then there were, indeed, unresolved issues. When you encounter men, of course you are not invisible, but you may be effectively self-effacing. And with the major fear of rejection you identify in yourself, people often hesitate to meet men, assuming that there will be a rejection ( though that's much less likely than they habitually think ) and indeed they may become self-sabotaging in their relationships, to break them up before the rejection they assume to be inevitable.
Gneralyl speaking, you should be able to have a child and bring it up well, thogu bipolar, but much would depend on the fine print of the details, so this is something you'd need to discuss with your shrink, who ought to know such details.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Clueless. | 2006/04/07

Let me calm your nerves. I'm Bipolar and have dilusions. I also have dystonia of the larinks. That said, when I realised I was pregnant, it was already more than a month along. I was using four different meds. I simply stopped taking them. Obviously was told to by dr and psychiatrist. The very next day after the birth I took up all my meds again. Wasn't breastfeeding. My pregnancy was none worst than any other. In fact, it went brilliantly. She weighed 3.4 kg's and was healthy as none other, although I smoked my 20 a day. Only switched to lighter ones. Yes, I gained a few pounds, but that was ok. Raising her as a bipolar mother, have yet to present problems. (If you forget about the suicide attempts.) I'm a wonderfull mother. Very strict, but we have some very decent fun together. I raise her to be adventurous and wild. To challenge herself and always be very sure her mother is there always.
Moral: You'll do just fine.

Reply to Clueless.

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