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Question
Posted by: dd | 2004/11/12

scared of hiv

Me and my fiancee are having un-protected sex, we both went to have HIV TEST which came back neg. I am very scared what if he is having an affair outside and contracts hiv.?.he is also very scared to get aids too,I trust him but yu know you can not trust a person that much.now i suggested that we go again every 3 months for tests, and i know he does not like this. what should I do?

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Our expert says:
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OK, you're both HIV negative right now. Using condoms would lessen any other risk --- but isn;t the real problem hwere, that you are engaged to marry this man, and you're scared that he could be having an affair ? If he's as scared of HIV as you are, why would he want to even think of having an ffair and running that risk ? You need lmarriage counselling / pre-marriage counselling, to gain confidence in each other, before going ahead with a marriage under these circumstances. WOuld you plan 3-monthly HIV tests for the next 30 years ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: De Bruyn | 2004/11/13

Don't you trust your boyfriend? It doesn't sound as if you do. Then, as Doc says, be careful about marriage. If he is also scared of contracting HIV, then it is unlikely that he will sleep around.


Talk to him about whether the two of you can really trust each other. I know it is difficult, now, to insist on using a condom, but that is the only way you are going to feel easy then you must consider it. I know, that if I was the b/f, I would be somewhat cheesed off, but your lives are at stake.

I suppose I would be most unpopular if I suggested that the only surefire way not to catch the virus is to abstain from sex completely until you are a) married and b) sure you can trust him. (Sez me who wouldn't and didn't take my own advice. Paid the price, however. Got infected.)

As I see it, the main issue is trust. If you do trust him and he trusts you, then carry on. If you don't maybe you should be looking for someone else.

Good luck

Reply to De Bruyn
Posted by: Oi | 2004/11/12

He doesn't like it? Nobody likes this kind of thing. But what must be done, must be done.
It's better to be careful, tell him to put his 'inconvenient' feelings in the bag and get the tests regularly.
It's important for both of you.

Reply to Oi

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