Posted by: Sara | 2008/09/04

Scared of death

I' m a 33 yr old female. My dad passed away unexpectedly 3 yrs ago, we never had a great relationship, and a week before his death we had a huge fight and things were said that I still can' t forgive myself for. I never saw him again after the fight, so needless to say I' ve been very hard on myself for not fixing things before he passed away.

I' m now so scared one of my other relatives die, I don' t think I' ll be able to handle it, and would prefer if I die before them. I' m even scared 1 of my pets die, I won' t be able to handle it. I pray every single night that they are all safe and that no harm with come to them, but when my phone rings I immediately think it' s bad news.

I understand that death is part of life and there is nothing I can do about it. The relationships with my family and friends are all fine, nothing like my relationship with my dad. But the fear of losing someone is litterally causing a lot of stress in my life. I will also just see something that reminds me of my dad, and I' ll start crying. I cry almost everyday.

I' ve been on a mild anti-depressent after his death, but I' ve stopped using it about 4 months ago. I was still having the same emotions during the time I used the medication.

Please can you give me some advise.

Thanks for your time.

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Our expert says:
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You really need and deserve to see a good psychologist to work through your grief and the related issues. You are not responsible for your dad's death, but under the circumstances its understandable that you feel that way. Grief is hard work. And you are, without realizing it, making it far harder for yourself, the way you keep telling yourself you WON' be able to handle it.
Have you ever thought that if grief is so painful, the most loving thing is to hope that the person you love will actually die first, so they don;'t have to suffer the grief of losing you ?
It sounds as though there's an obsessive personality at work here, maybe even some degree of obsessive disorder, keeping you focussed on this theme, and making it harder for you to progress beyond it.
Antidepressants may help IF there is a chemical depression, but don't really help grief, so you do need to see a therapist to work on this, which will benefit youi and your family

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