Posted by: What to do | 2005/06/29


Last night he throttled me so hard i couldnt breathe , he slapped me twice and then when he slapped again he left my eyes puffy and today i have red marks alongside my eyes and my jaw hurts .
I couldnt retaliate because he had my son in his hand and while holding my little boy he slapped and hit me , because he didnt like what i was saying to him .
He says if i leave him he will kill me.
I furnished the whole house once before and i left him and he sold all my furniture , now we made up a yr later and he said he was a chnaged man and i furnished the house again this time . he took me out my mothers house , out of my safety net , took my baby and i out my folks house and four months down the line he says its his house and he pays the rent and i must fcku off !
I said i filled the home from top to bottom and i refuse to leave because he was the one that took me out my home and now want to kick me out because now he has a roof over his head .

He was on the street and had no where to stay and my folks gave him shelter for two months while he searched for a home and we got back together, and now he wants to get bucky ?

Please help

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Our expert says:
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This sort of swine will NEVER ever be a "changed man", so don't imagine that such a miracle could happen. He is an abuser, and dangerous. Call POWA who specialize in this sort of problem, and can provide you with support and help, and advice on how to plan for a safe escale for you and the child, probably including a court order that will have the rat thrown into jail if he ever approaches or bothers either of you again. As Paris says, if possible, have a friend take pictures to show your injuries, or at least to be a witness to them. Similarly, a doctor can note the injuries, as proof. And once you are free, lay criminal charges of assault, etc., against him. If he is likely to come to drag you from your parent's home, find a friend to stay with, or maybe POWA can help you find a safe refuge while the charges and restraining order are put in place. You are describing a man who has been emotionally abusive for some time, and has now become physically abusive and threatening death. He will always be a loser and abusive, and doesn't deserve your care.
The restraining order you got before is useless if you don't get the police to enforce it, or if you foolishly choose to go back to the abuser.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady lee | 2005/06/29

What more important at this stage in your keep exposing your poor child to him or to worry about your furniture?

Move back home (1) and then (2) go to the place when he isnt there to fetch things that do belong to you (get someone to help you)

remember you choose to let him come back what about your child he doesnt have a choice here and has to witness your guys violent relationship!!!

Reply to lady lee
Posted by: Hey | 2005/06/29

Sorry about the mess you are in.

Let this be a good example for those thinking of taking back exes whom said they have changed. They seldom change, in fact they get worse.

Reply to Hey
Posted by: lerita | 2005/06/29

Phone POWA. Ask your parents if they can lend you money. See if you can store your stuff (there will be costs involve). Sleep in the lounge of your parents home if it must. This male cousin. Can't you and he arrange that you lease a place together. You have the furniture.
See also a doctor let he document your injury. Because what will happen if you fight back and accidently kill him?. At least you got prove that it is in self defence. Move out asap. Would you want your child to grow up with an abusive father and one day he will became an abusive husband? Of course NOT

Reply to lerita
Posted by: lara | 2005/06/29

Even if you just stay with a friend or someone else , even if it is just for a week, till you find your own place. And dont tell anyone, but your parents where you live , just till things settle down. And get a restraining order ASAP.

You have to get out now, things could get much worse. For you and your little boys sake.

Good luck

Reply to lara
Posted by: What to do | 2005/06/29

I cant move back home to my mums .....again .
My mum has a three bedroom house and all bedrooms are filled .
My sis lost her hubby and now moved back home with her son and my brother has the other .
I have lots of furniture which wont be a problem to store , but where does my little boy and i lay our heads to rest at night + I have a male cousin of mine staying with us while he looks for a place to buy .
My only option would be to move out on my own and i am seriously considering this.
He never was abusive to me before , the reason i left him first time round was because he made life miserable emotionally and plus the day i found out i was pregnant he said i should abort my child because i had ruined his life , so all through my pregnancy i never saw him , he never played a part in our sons birth and i do have a restraining order against him as he threatned me on the phone once and immediatley i got a restraining order .
He also cheated on me like you wouldnt believe .

Is there any other option ?

Yes i want out , but i cant move back home to my folks .

Reply to What to do
Posted by: Inga | 2005/06/29

Leave the scumbag now. Its hard but just do it now. Dont think it will get better, dont think he will change, dont think its all your fault, dont think period. Just leave.

Reply to Inga
Posted by: Karen | 2005/06/29

I beg you to do what the ladies have advised.

We don't want to read about you and/or your son in the newspaper.

Reply to Karen
Posted by: Lola | 2005/06/29

Go directly to the police station and lay a charge of assault, ask you boss of you can take today as leave. Get someone (preferably a strong big man) and go and fetch your belongings. Leave this piece of trash, if you don't you are teaching your son how to treat woman. Also, what if he hurts your child next?

Get a restraining order from the police at the same time you lay the charge. Get out now, while you still can

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Scared | 2005/06/29

Please go to the police and get a restraining order. If they cannot help you today, lay a charge of assult but get out the house today.

Get legal help to get your stuff out and maintenance for the child. A woman is killed every 6 hours in our country by a lover, boyfriend or spouse.

Look on the web under abuse if you want to know what could happen to you.

Don't let this continue, it could cost you your life or your childs life.
Good luck

Reply to Scared
Posted by: PARIS | 2005/06/29

I think you know what every one will say to this post.

LEAVE HIM NOW. For your and your childs saftey.

Plan: Take a day off work and move all your stuff without him knowing. Move back to your parents. Take pictures of your red marks on your face. Lay a charge of assult, then get a restraining order.

You dont only owe this to yourself, but to your son too. This is not the type of enviroment you want your son to grow up in.



Reply to PARIS

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