Posted by: Mercy | 2005/07/20

Says he loves you then leaves you for someone else


I've been seeing this wonderful guy for a year now. The problem is that i'm very insecure about us. He tells me he loves me, i know he does and says he wants to marry me one day. I'm trying to figure out why i feel the way i do. I think i'm scared of history repeating itself again. About 6 years ago i broke up with a guy i was seeing for almost 3 years, he was my first love. One day he loved me and the next week he had a new girlfriend. I really thought he loved me and it was very hard for me to get over it cause those three words i always say that you should never say them if you don't really mean it. I really value those words. I'm scared that my boyfriend who says he loves me is suddenly also going to leave me for someone else just like that. My boyfriend knows that i feel insecure and has tried to help but it is me that is the problem. A friend suggested i go see someone and my boyfriend said that if i want him to go with, he will. Has someone ever been through something like this and how do you over come this fear?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like you are indeed over-generalizing from your previous experience to this present one. And before, you say that YOU broke up with the guy --- but then got very upset when he rapidly found a new friend, as if your real hurt is that he wasn't obviously devastated when YOU chose to break up with him. Think about that one. Your last bf DID NOT ( according to your story ) leave you for someone else --- you left him, and he found consoltation with someone else.
Why not accept your pal's suggestion, and see someone for some counselling, and have your bf join you, as he has seisibly volunteered to do ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dee | 2005/07/20

Elizabeth's right. Baggage! Ive been through a similar thing.In my case I was a mistress without knowing it.I found out when the real woman in his life showed up at church with their child in her hands.Anyway I met a new man.We are going on 1year together.I have the same fears.It also took me a while befor I said those three words.I only said them when I was ready to.You know Mercy everyone is vulnerable in a love relationship,baggage or no baggage..Its something you deal with continuously.Dont be impatient BUT never ever ever make it your new boyfriend's problem.Focus on his good points and let him know what you love about him.Dont compare him with ex

Reply to Dee
Posted by: Elizabeth | 2005/07/20

After each relationship everyone gets baggage they take to the next relationship and thats exactly what you are doing. You cannot blame your new b/friend for the old ones hurt. Its not fair. The thing is if you carry of your new one will leave you too. Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine you had a guy that was too jealous and insecure? Guys are immature. Your first one was probably too young.

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