Posted by: confused | 2002/12/12


Is this kind of "rol playing" a normal actiity. I hate it . My husband want this and trying in avery
way to pressure me in taking part. Acording to his its normal, but I think it is sex for DEMONS.
Its ugly and i'm feeling dirty just thinking of it. We're married for 16 yrs and things just get worse.
Lately I dont even hate it if he touch me in any way. I keep on seeing what he wants and I know I cant give it to him.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

This is my standard answer to anybody wanting to enter into BDSM, it is a lifestyle, but most of all a choice:

If you are going to participate in the BDSM lifestyle to the point where you engage in play with another person then if I may, I would like to make the following suggestions. Beware of users, everyone is not your friend. Some people have their own agendas which may not be in your best interests. Take your time. If you are going to join an existing community or group or singularly, find out who these people are and what their intentions may be. Make questions within the community about those with whom you intent to play. Ask a lot of questions. What precautions do they take? What safety measures do they have in place? How much experience do they actually have in a particular practise? Are they known for this experience within the general community. Has anyone actually seen them play? Do they provide a workshop explaining procedures, safety, concerns? Are they making a profit? Do you have to sign anything over to them? Is the contract they are offering legal, binding and are your interests protected?

I would recommend attending some small functions, munches, social gatherings. Perhaps attend a play party purely in an observer mode. Arrange with the organizers, let them know this is exactly what you want to do. Observe. That you have no intention of playing. That way you will be supervised, protected and afforded this right with no pressure to play. In a proper play setting Dungeon Masters would be made aware of your wishes. It is quite likely also in a properly controlled play setting that you would be expected to attend some sort of interview with the organizers, prior to attending, so they may ascertain exactly how much experience you have had, if any. Be patient.

In the meantime before you have played get some practical grounding in safe, sane and consensual BDSM practices, explore Tanta and yoga. Take a SM101 course to get practical information on safety. As in all things preparation is the key. Make the effort, protect yourself, be aware, question, don't be overwhelmed by new experiences, step back and look at them for what they are, don't be afraid to say NO, play safely, sanely and consensually and enjoy yourself knowing you have taken the proper precautions. You have started down a long road. A journey that is amazing as it often turns out to be a journey within one's self. A travel destination we should all have at some point in our lives.

Just remember always Safe, Sane and consensual. If BDSM is not for you, you need to tell your partner this, and not feel cohersed into something that is not for you.

Dr Mac

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Lancelot | 2002/12/14


Exactly - it's called sarcasm!

Reply to Lancelot
Posted by: PG | 2002/12/12

The word is a combination of sadism (enjoyment from inflicting pain) and masochism (enjoyment from suffering pain). Nothing wrong with it, as long as they don't try it on me.

Lancelot & Big, do I detect an absence of tolerance for tastes that are a bit off the norm?

Confused, if you give him a spanking as suggested by the others, that's probably exactly half of what he wants from you. Why don't you and he settle this little difference of opinion in the middle, i.e. with you doing it to him because you hate it if he wants it and when he tries to return the favour, you remind him of the terms of the settlement. Simple, isn't it?

Reply to PG
Posted by: Big | 2002/12/12

I think your husband needs to be brought back to order. I guess the best way to make this effective is by spanking him real hard and letting him tell you he will never have those thoughts/urges again

Reply to Big
Posted by: Lancelot | 2002/12/12

If I were you I would tell your husband that he is a "Bad Boy" and give him a good spanking!

Reply to Lancelot
Posted by: Lady | 2002/12/12

I think it's also referred to as S & M...

Is this not when pain is inflicted leading to some kind of sexual arousal or/and climax????

if so...definitely not for me!

Reply to Lady
Posted by: Anne | 2002/12/12

Please explain what that word means

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Keith | 2002/12/12


Please tell me what that big, ugly word means.

Reply to Keith

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.