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Posted by: DG | 2004/10/12

Sadness....the blues....melancholy

Hi CS,

I am in a terrible state, writing endlessly of my feelings and life philosophies. Getting myself into a daze of complete despair as I search for the answers that not many find. The biggest puzzle of the now is in fact my own inner workings. My mind seems to be having a world of its own and I find myself drifting away from this earth. I do not want to be here, I have a longing to just get away from this place. More importantly, the thing I want to escape is myself, to rid of these impetuous thoughts that destroy me daily. I ask myself, why do I do this to myself, why do I despise myself so immensely that I cannot bear to look in the mirror or speak out for myself. Instead I hide away, afraid-perhaps it may be my fear of people judging me or perhaps it is the case that I do not like to portray the person I am fearing I might reprimand myself, punish myself for acting foolish. I cannot seem to do anything right in my own eyes.

Right now, I have thrown away the only lifeline I had, the light of my life that brought warmth to my heart- I have finally succeeded in pushing away. I feel so lost and alone, more lonely. As I write this tears swell up in my eyes but are unable to fall. I have molded myself into this person, and now I cannot seem to get out. Trapped.

Please excuse me for being over dramatic, perhaps this may sound a little weak-I am not sure. I do apologize, I just needed someone to talk to and right now, I feel this is all I have. Maybe because I do not have to speak up, or show my face. It is safe here-I hope.

Thanks Prof Shrinky, you are an angel here on earth that has taken time to help so many people-Thank you from the deepest depths of my heart.

DG

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello DG,
Interesting, isn't it, that here where you expose your real self more fully than anywhere else, nobody despises you or even dislikes you ? Re-read the quote from your earlier postings which .... has supplied, and be aware of the fondness so many feel for you. And yes, the bath and the circle sound good ideas. Sorry, for a moment there I had the oddest impression that you were planning to put the cat into the bath, and not the circle. My cat was puzzled for a while, having the usual cat's delight in reaching inner circles, and the usual disdain for baths.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: A | 2004/10/13

Hi DG

I started off as "A Mom like you" remember?

Thought I would shorten it to A (A also is the first letter of my name) - didnt come up with an "original" name like I had planned, but anyhow - thats who I am. You will remember I told you a bit of myself previously but not toooo much!

Have an excellent bubble bath as advised!! Wish I could and not be here at work.

Reply to A
Posted by: DG | 2004/10/13

Wow MG, I am speechless. Thank you for your very kind words. It is really good to know people like you and others on this site exist out there.
May the rest of your day be filled with Angel blessings.

Reply to DG
Posted by: MG | 2004/10/13

Dear DG....

I certainly am... I've found so many things to be grateful for... and ask God and the Angels on a daily basis to guide and protect me and those I love...
And a wonderful sense of peace and love prevails...

Go delve into those bubbles!... and know that there are so many people out there who listen to your wise words, and take them to heart!.... You have truly been a blessing to so many...

Reply to MG
Posted by: DG | 2004/10/13

Wow, you all are just so incredible, I cannot express my gratitude. Thank you for all your caring words. Thanks for your time. It has really touched me to know that so many people care, and right now I am very grateful.

Beyond Tired-I know you are a strong person, one that will shine like a bright star one day. Keep fighting for yourself for you are so worth every bit of it.

A- I am not sure who you are, you seem to pop up here and there, and I am curious about you. I hope that you are well and taking care of yourself too, after all your caring words to other people, I hope you give some of that to yourself. You are right, I am horribly depressed.

... Does sound familar-excellent writing, very wisely expressed.

MG-You advice sounds great, it touched me. I think that bath sounds good at the moment and the circle. In it I will place my sweet cat. Thank you for that-I hope that you are taking care of yourself as well as you described.

Reply to DG
Posted by: MG | 2004/10/13

Hey DG....
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time of it... Especially after all the wonderful words of wisdom and advice that you have given to so many others!
I've only got one little piece of advice to share... a dear friend said this to me one day when I felt like the world was a horrible place to live in, and that things couldn't possibly get better...

"Draw an imaginary circle around yourself... and only let things into that circle that comfort you, make you happy, give you joy, things that you enjoy doing...., when you feel that you are in a safe place.. in your circle, thats when its time to step out, one step at a time into the bigger area..."... so, surround yourself with candles, a good book, a delicious bubble bath.... get rid of that which is negative, and people or places that drain you.... its time for a bit of DG pampering, and self appreciation.... just remember God doesn't make junk!

Take Care DG....

Reply to MG
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/13

Hi there DG (Wise one),
You have given so much good advice and I wish I had some wisdom to give back to you. All I can say is that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am still too confused myself, but working hard at fixing it to tell you things will come right but I do believe you are a bright and very interesting person, you hide however I do not understand why, but you are special and just know this. You're in my heart so take care of yourself.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: A | 2004/10/13

DG - I am thinking about you.

Please hold on and know that once you are so low you can only climb back up to the top. Dont know what else to say - you sound horribly depressed - just know that you are being thought about and a prayer will be said for you.

A

Reply to A
Posted by: ... | 2004/10/12

My identity's gone,
It's been shadowed by you
I've been moulded and
turned into something untrue

Its by roleplaying
that I get through each day
Its never really me
who has something to say

It’s the person you've created
who may say a word
But it's not my voice,
because I would have heard.

It’s a deliberate act,
and I know my lines well
Because if I wavered,
what's in my heart you could tell.

Sound familiar?!?!?!?!? --- youre not alone --- things do get better with help and taking care of yourself.

Reply to ...

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