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Posted by: why not me | 2004/10/11

saddened

i have been seeing this guy for two yrs,,,and found out recently that he had a steady gfrend for the pass three yrs,,,,yet wen he was with me he was with me undividedly,,,,,i have neva admitted to him that i loved him until yesterday,,firstly wen i found out bout the serious gfrend,,i was so down,,and then i kept thinking why both of us,,,at that time she had found out bout me too,,yesterday i seen him and he told me he wants to get married to his gfrend of three yrs,,that hurt me badly,,i eventually confessed to him that i have fallen for him,,,and he jus asked me why did i tell him that,,,coz its not going to make a difference on his decision,,i am so hurt,,,,he is my evrything...and now i'll be loosing him,y does he wana marry her and not me?my sisters and frends are telling me im so stupid,,coz he doesnt care bout me,,but they dont know how it is wen we r together,,,things are soo magical.
sorry jus had to spk bout it.

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Our expert says:
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Sorry to hear about this very hurtful experience, but recognize that you have lost very much less han it feels like right now --- he was a liar who deceived you and her for three years, and didn't actually care enough about your feelings or hers. You are much better off without a guy like that in your life. he was good at pretending to care about you, when you were together, to get the afefction, and presumably sex, which he wanted --- but that's using you, not love. You will get over this sooner than seems possible right now, and will be able to feel sorry for that other woman --- she's stuck with him now.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/11

Hi WNM,

I do feel for you in the position you find yourself. I am though inclined to agree with Mona. Think about it for a while, would you really like to be married to someone who has lived a lie for the past 2 years, & there-after doesn't seem to show much respect to you by inadvertantly saying that you can't change his mind?
That said, I agree with Mindful as well. It is not you, you did nothing wrong. & don't worry too much about those that say I told you so. In their own way, they really are trying to be of help, even though you may not be comforted by it at the moment.
I can understand that right now it all feels overwhelming because it so fresh in you. Just give it time, it will get better.

I'd really like to leave you with one thought... Find comfort in the knowledge that as you are not the one he wants to marry right now, know that you will not suffer from his inconsiderations again. If it was so easy for him to pull the wool over his other girlfriend, I can imagine that he is gonna carry on doing that to her... Aren't you lucky that he didn't choose you. At this point I can't help but feel sorry for her & what she may still have to go through.

Be strong, & know that it really does get better, even though it hurts like hell right now.

Good luck,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/11

Hi Why Not Me,

My heart goes out to you. It isn't easy going through something like that, and the last thing you want to hear is "I told you so" from the people that care about you. I cannot tell you what to feel or what to do, but perhaps give some advice.
He's not worthy of someone as special as you. And just think of the pain and hurt you'd go through if you actually did get married and he cheated on you then? It's really hard now, but I want you to know one thing: YOU did nothing wrong.

Lots of luck, and keep in touch if you want to talk.

Reply to Mindful
Posted by: why not me | 2004/10/11

thnx Mona,u sound like my sisters and frends though,,they tell me the same thing.but its easier said then done..and he kept tellin me that he had broken up with his gfrend...,i feel so stupid,naive and dumb,for believing him,and its like i have turned into a brick wall,,my sisters keep telling me to move on,,but i cant find it within me to actually do that,,,

Reply to why not me
Posted by: Mona | 2004/10/11

Unfortunately you can not change his mind for him.... But do you really want to date a bastard that was cheating on you for 2 years? Just using you when his other gf was busy...? MOve on and find your own prince that will treat you much better.

Reply to Mona

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