Posted by: Berry | 2004/01/16


Hi. iam very sad. this weekend is my 21st birthday. my mother has cancer, my dad is overbearing and iam a mess. a 21st birthday should be a happy occasion, but not mine. we have no money to have a huge party, not my parents any way. so i paid for all of it myself. i dont know if iam being selfish or if its just not fair, but its bothering me.ive been crying the whole day and i guess i just need to put my mind at ease.

Thank you.

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Our expert says:
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Berry, I'm sure before long you'll realize that one doesn't need money and a "huge party" to have a happy 21st birthday, or any other birthday. Talk to dad who probably doesn't intend to be overbearing, and surely the two of you can work that out ( and it's your task to work on this, not only his ). And your mother is dealing with Cancer, for Pete's sake --- I hope you've done nothing to make her feel bad because she didn't throw you some enormous show-off affair for your birthday --- that she's still here, and loves you, is a large gift, already.
If you can afford to pay, by yourself, for a "huge party" you must be far luckier financially than most other 21 year-olds.
Actually, the party is irrelevant, and people who throw "huge" ones are showing off their insecurity and lack of good sense. What's more important, if you take anything about a 21st seriously, is the issue of acknowledging that you have become an adult, with the responsibility of behaving like an adult, towards yourself and towards others.
So dry those self-indulgent tears ( party or no party is a really tiny issue in the great scheme of things ) ; have a happy birthday and welcome to the adult world of facing reality and making the best of it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Berry | 2004/01/21

I am sorry!!!! i was being a selvish bitch!!!!!!!!! I was just mad that my parents couldnt do what i wanted. but the fact is that i dont really exist in my house. my dad doesnt care about any of us, he's just woried about my mom. he thinks we dont care, so he doesnt worry about us

Reply to Berry
Posted by: an | 2004/01/19

please get a grip over yourself!!

Last year when I got 21 nothing happened!!!!! A week after I just went to visit my parents.

Things was a bit bad and my fiance did not even have money to buy me a 21st present. That night he had a crisis at work and our plans to go out were scattered. so I just went to bed early without any wishes or presents and that's it!!! But so what?? it's just another birthday, not a show of! A party wouldn't change anything, a party can actually turn into something you did not want

Reply to an
Posted by: Mich | 2004/01/17

Happy 21st Berry...

Reply to Mich
Posted by: HandyAndy | 2004/01/17

Happy Birthday!

Write down all your blessings on one page and compare it with all your gripes on another. Then work on your plusses.
I hope your parents enjoy having old grumpy with them.

Reply to HandyAndy
Posted by: em | 2004/01/17


Sorry to hear about you situation. Your mom has cancer, there is not much you can do except give her lots of support and be strong for her. Be glad that you still have your mom at your age.(mine died of cancer when I was only 5 years old)

Be mature and speak to your dad. I am sure he does not realize that he appears overbearing to you. Have a good hart to hart with him, it is possible, you just have to give it a try.

If you don't have money to spend on a big party, then why don't you just invite a few close friends and family, not the whole world. I always find a small group of people together much nicer than a big crowd.(and it saves money too)

All being well, you still have many years ahead of you and life will never be fair to you. Learn to deal with the bad situations and also learn not to be dependant on other poeple to make you happy.... You are the creator of your happiness in life!!

Happy Birthday and may there be many happy years in your life from now on.

Reply to em

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