Posted by: Lee | 2012/01/31

Rude child

In brief. My husband''s 20 y.o niece is a rude, unmannered selfish, spoilt brat who doesn''t bother to associate with my husband, myself and my children. She just about greets. Now last night, we popped in at my MIL to drop off something. His niece walks past and makes a point of greeting him - and ignores me. Don''t even bother to ask what his parents said, cause they worship her and would never ever reprimand their ''darling''. Am I correct in being angry with my husband for allowing such disrespect for his wife? Or am I being unreasonable by being upset with him? BTW, his family has been ''feuding'' for years and him and his siblings just haven''t gotten along for a while now. However, respect is respect. Not??

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Our expert says:
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So she is a rude child with bad manners and an inflated opinion of herself. Its sadly common for parents to hav a ridiculously high opinion of one child who they spoil. And spoiling is a good word --- by not providing discipline and normal expectations of the child, they grow a socially horrible person.
Your husband should indeed expect ohers, including this brat, to treat you with normal respect ; maybe from long experience of her bad manners, he has given up trying. Maybe he chooses to ignore it to keep a degree of peace in the family ? Dont give more power to this nasty girl by letting her create a problem beween you and your husband.
And as Purple says, if you always greet her in a pleasant manner, and just ignore her if she desn't resond, it is her who wlll look silly, not you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bron | 2012/01/31

My sister in law used to do that. I just ignored her too. Her parents spoilt her rotten and encouraged her to be rude coz they thought it meants she is tough and tenacious. Sad thing is, they are dead now. No one likes her, she cant hold down a relationship, cant find work goes for interviews and its a case of " dont call us we will call u" . She has a kid and no income., None of the families want to help her now. As for us, she disrespected us the most and now we are the ones feeding her. She tried to commit suiciide etc, but doesnt know how to change her ways and wont listen to anyone. Very tragic how parents dont see the big picture by disciplining their kids when they are young.

Reply to Bron
Posted by: Purple | 2012/01/31

Sounds like she is behaving in the same way the rest of her family behave. so its unlikely to ever change as its the way they do things.

Did you try greeting her and seeing if she responded? IF you keep on doing that, she just looks foolish when she doesn''t respond.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Lee | 2012/01/31

Liza, thank you so much for your input. Your words ring true indeed. I do avoid them, last night was the first time I''ve seen her in absolute months, to be exact. Even my hubby avoids going there - due their ongoing conflict, etc. I haven''t said a single word since the encounter and my hubby clearly picks up that I''m upset. I don''t want to make (yet another) issue, hence my letter to CS this morning.

Thanks again, I appreciate your advice!

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/31

You''re trying to demand respect from someone who simply doesn''t know the meaning of the word. It''s an exercise in futility. Making a big issue out of it is only going to cause conflict with no hope of resolution. Try to just let it roll off you. And it''s not your husbands'' fault that this girl is a brat - so why blame him for her bad manners? It won''t do any good for him to make a big issue out of it either. The only thing that can be done is to try and avoid them as far as possible.

Good Luck

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