Posted by: CONFUSED | 2004/11/28


Hi, i have romantic feelings for the wrong person.
He's the wrong person for the following reasons :
he's already involved with someone else and he's much older.

First it started off as a little crush, which grew into a stronger crush, and then into i'm unsure what... but its much stronger now.
Initially it was just a physical attraction, which eventually grew into something deeper. I feel a connection with him on a deeper level that i can't explain.

all i know is that i need to get over him, and soon at that, but dont know how. I feel he is taking over my life, cos i can't stop thinking about him. Please help, this has been going on for 18 months.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello C,
That he's already involved with someone else is enough of a good reason to consider him the wrong person. And you're right to classify this as "having romatic feelings", rather than "being in love" --- I believe we have more responsibility and control over the development from the first to the second, stage, than most people assume.
Crush, yes. And when it sounds mainly one-sided, this :connection at so deep a level I can't explain" is often a reflection of how much you want such a connection, than a sign that one actually exists. Like a good phone-line, a connection implies free two-way communication. You CAN stop thinking about him, but so far haven't chosen to stop, maybe because the thinking is too pleasant, and emotionally satisfying, even if your head says that this is not wise. As Conn says, it's probably best to walk away, and as KK says, go out and get busy and occupy yourself with useful and non-romantic activities.

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Our users say:
Posted by: CONFUSED | 2004/11/28

thanks for the reply and advice.

I do see and have acknowledged the futility of my unrequited feelings for this man. I guess that i haven't stopped thinking about him because, for the first time in my life have i met someone that has "captured" my emotion and made life and everything else in my life seem better, revitalizing, and less depressing and stressful. I've become so addicted to the positive, exhilirating feeling that is associated with him, that i feel i can't let go, even though i so strongly want to. A friend once told me that its not really him that i'm so emotionally taken away with, but the positive feelings that emanate from him and that i associate with him.

Posted by: KISS KISS | 2004/11/28

Get Social more like a life ,go out more or join a social group eg. Art class you need to keep busy to forget this man.
You are allowing him too much power over of your life and your feelings even though it doesn't seem that he feels the same - is he aware of your true feelings? Have you been open and honest about how you feel - you never know he might just feel the same.
just keep the lines of communication open and see where it goes from there.

Reply to KISS KISS
Posted by: CONN | 2004/11/28

There will be many guys out there for you. Don't let physical attraction spoil the rest of your life.Trust your own feelings, if he's wrong he's a wrong person for you. Do yourself a favour and walk away. In fact don't walk, run! don't even think twice about getting involved. trust yourself to walk away. Guilt and regret are two very destructive, unproductive, negative and harmful feelings you'll have if you don't wail away.

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