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Question
Posted by: Me | 2004/11/10

Rocky relationship

I have been in a relationship for three years now (he proposed to me a year ago, we are planning on marrying in 6 months) and we love each other very much. However, he had a terrible childhood, i mean TERRIBLE, and this caused many problems for him mentally (i knew this from the very start). He is kind and soft-spoken and a very giving person and usually treats me like a princess. But he is also prone to depression in a serious way. When he is going through a bad patch he will just suddenly snap and yell at me and call me awful names. Then afterwards he feels awful and goes back to being the gentle soul he always was. He is on medication for it, but it doesn't stop me from hurting when he calls me a bitch for no reason. I realize he doesn't mean it and its almost as if he has a fit when it happens, but I feel torn. I love him so much, but i am scared of the outbursts and it makes me stressed. I don't know what to do. I don't want to put up with his outbursts, but I don't want to leave him either because I love him. Do you think a problem like this can be treated? maybe I can suggest another form of therapy for him? I am 19, he is 22. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi,

you are right to want to resolve these problems before you get into a marriage, as long term these issues will affect you, and any children you may have.

I suggest that he has his own individual therapy as medication alone will not resolve this problem. I also strongly suggest that you go for couple counselling as you need to address these issues now - getting married and hoping for the best will not make these problems go away. It sounds like your boyfriend is traumatised by his past, and trauma needs to be treated, it does not get better on its own.

Your boyfriend needs help with this, and yes it can be treated. If you are in the Cape Town area I can recommend some Clinical Psychologists that you could contact. If you are elsewhere in SA please contact your family doctor who can provide you with contact details of Clinical Psychologists in your area.

Please post a further question if you need any more assistance.

Best wishes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2004/11/11

Thankyou. Yes, I am in the Cape Town area, southern suburbs to be more specific. Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated!
Thanx

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