Posted by: Garfield | 2008/12/17

revenge is sweet, but awareness sweeter

Hi CS!

It has been a very long time ... I truly hope that you are doing well &  that you are getting all the wonderful elements of life that you so deserve? What are you getting kitty for Christmas :-)

All is well with me. I entered a POWA writing competition earlier this year as a way to free myself of that terrible abusive relationship I was in 2 years ago.

I have won a place and they are going to publish it in their anthology. It isn' t anonymous, so my name and a short paragraph about me will be inluded. There is no mention or even allusion to the name of my past abusive bf. However, people that know me will know exactly who he is should they read it.

I have taken a conscious decision not to tell my family about it .... they never knew the half of what he did to me &  it would be incredibly painful for them if they did.

I really have moved on since then ... I am in general very happy &  my best guy friend and i (of 13 years!) are now dating and really happy).

But (there' s always a but!) I want to send the published anthology to my ex and his parents. I want them to read it and I want them to know what he did and what they know he continues to do to other girls. I wont put a message or anything - just leave a marker where my piece of writing is.

Two things that I require your advice on ... 1 - if his name is not mentioned, it could therefore be ' about anyone' , so I am thus not liable in any legal way?
And secondly, I know that this sounds like a really revengeful, bitter thing to do, yet I still honestly think it would put my heart and mind at peace about the whole thing. What do you think?

Thanks in advance as always for your most appreciated and RESPECTED words of wisdom!


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Garfield !
Kitty has not yet received her present, but a fancy bell within ball within a ball within a ball should satisfy some of her urges. Though, like most kids, she will probably get at least as much fun from the wrappings.
SO pleased to hear that things are well with you. Congratulations on the successful writing.
Now, I'm not able to give legal advice. If his name isn't mentioned you may be OK, though I suppose if he is very easilty identifiable, he could object. Best to get a legal opinion --- and POWA should surely have done so already, as the same problem could arise with many othern contributors, and it is POWA who has apparently decided to publish your real names. Sending a copy to his family might add to the risk. Maybe rather be satisfied that people in the know would learn some things and he might wonder why he gets some odd looks ?
I doubt that any average abuser is likely to be buying the POWA anthology for his own Christmas present, so he would otherwise not be likely to see it --- I say, call POWA for advice on the legalities, of both the publication and the gift idea. If it is legal, then the remaining question is : would it be wise. If legal, it should priobably cause no harm. But that sort of guy is hardly likely to learn anything, Denial being so powerdful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zexeon | 2008/12/17

Equalibrium is a state that cause comfort.

Reply to Zexeon
Posted by: Zexeon | 2008/12/17

He could just not be pre-occupied with it and ignore it or change his behaviour all depending on a few factors like caracter, external influences or he could feel guilty and decide to change his behaviour to reach acculibrium. other ways he could react to cope wouldn' t really be what you want to accomplish as it may come back at you eg. lashing out at you.............

Reply to Zexeon

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