Posted by: Leigh | 2009/01/26


Hello all pls help the father of my child has come back after 7 yrs and is asking to be in my life again. He hasn' t been completely absent, he started paying a bit of child maintenance after she turned one. The money is less than what I need but i am thankful as I know there are other single mums getting nothing. Over the past 7 yrs he has not wanted to be with me at all but now is suddenly singing a completely different tune. But when I look at him I see the man who dumped me when I was preg and went around saying very mean things about me. Now he is professing love and saying leaving me was a huge mistake. He sends at least ten messages of love a day, some at 3am. Do I just take him back n everything is hunky dory. I am still very angry and hurt… sometimes my chest gets tight with anger when I consider the way I was deserted. The baby and I struggled for years. I also have to admit i feel the need to get revenge by not allowing him back into my life - its what he wants most of all and its what I am able to deny him. He does get to see his child, I have always allowed him to.

When do u 4give a huge wrong done against u, what do the circumstances need to be? I feel an overwhelming need to say no out of spite but I look at my child and how she loves him. I do still love him too but the level of bitterness in me is very high. Am I being unfair, is love not about revenge? But i want revenge - I have even avoided counselling in case a counsellor advises me being with him is the best plan.

I ask, why shd he be so emotionally distant for 7 years then suddenly profess love? Should I be waiting with open arms after 7 yrs of coldness? He all but told me to my face I was not good enough for him - now I am the only woman he wants.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A maintenance court would have requuired him to pay proper maintenance all along. Sounds like he has messed up elsewhere in his life, and has decided to suddenly start wooing you again. Politely refuse the invitation, and continue as you have been. Revenge is unnecessary --- self-preservation suggests you should not allow him back into your life. Revenge as such is not satisfying or helpful, but unnecessary here --- simple common sense should be enough to suggest the same approach. And forgiveness is never an obligation

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Carol | 2009/02/17

My hubby walked out on me to bear witness to the birth of his only daughter...I' ve never gotten over the pain even after he admitted his mistake and came home. Yes, he dumped her too!
When we fight, the old story comes up like a sore full of pus. Things are taking a long time to get better but it' s not that easy.
Think carefully...

Reply to Carol
Posted by: Pink | 2009/01/27

Please don'  t take him back, he is bastard, you have done well without him all these years. The only thing he must do is to pay the maintenance that all.

Reply to Pink
Posted by: Nomsa | 2009/01/27

Funny that sounds like David....if it is then honey please don' t take him back....where was he all these years...whom was he with....I can garantee you that someone else has given him the his back with his tail between his legs many years later....I hope it' s not him as he was involved with a little black child in Angola....please leave him....think of your' ve doen well alone what do you need him for.......

Reply to Nomsa
Posted by: Keep the slug at bay | 2009/01/27

Oh please please don' t fall for that one. Whats with you girls that you keep wanting or even thinking of resuming a relationship with these slugs that dare call themselves men ? Just chase him away ! What sort of a " man"  does not have the guts to support his child. Gee that' s a basic human feeling that one has towards your children, to make sure you give them the best you can. Nail him in the Courts, make him pay and don' t let him off the hook. But above all STAY AWAY !!!! Good luck.

Reply to Keep the slug at bay
Posted by: Be strong | 2009/01/27

Please dont take him back. You came a long way without him. He will try you until you give in and then who knows when he walks away again both from you and your child then you are going to go through that again. And please dont do that to your daughter and yourself. I know that she loves him but it will do more damage in the long run. Everything is a gamble but are you willing to take it? 7 years is a long time and going through hell esp when there is a child involved is very bad. I know this is difficult for you and believe me its going to get worse cause he is going to try until he has you again but you sound like a strong women so be strong and give yourself a chance at a good life for you and your little girl. Keep strong hey!

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