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Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/02

Resolve Not Working

Hi guys, CS,
Yeah Cybershrink, you are right, I do tend to push the one's I love to the extreme's, I try to justify hurting myself and being self destructive. I didn't like what you said but know you are right. I have and do push just to see what the reaction will be. The weekend really was pleasant, however the bf got a bit drunk and I was not happy about this and had a few biting remarks, but it wasn't meant to run him down or anything, I said it in jest, because I have been there and done it, how can I critisize him, I also drank but limited myself and drank a lot of water, juice, etc. but Sunday evening after the rejection and his attitude I overdid it again, felt fine and definitely had too much, did not have any memory lapses though, just couldn't figure out what I did wrong. We spoke about it and he pointed out how I had hurt him, I was sincerely joking but he took it up seriously or maybe I really was pushing him to see what he would do. I have made this a goal together with my psychologist to stop the drinking and he has given me some methods as to be able to identify what pushes me to drinking and turn this around. I really feel very positive about this and know in my heart I can do it.

Btw CS, bf is going to CCMA and has already made a plan to at least to be able to have an income. I just hope he doesn't burn himself out and I will try to be supportive. I will also not make my jokes or comments anymore, people don't pick up when I am not serious, but kidding and then they over-react. It is part of me to be like this and I will accept it and try not to hurt those around me, but can't promise anything.

Thanks for the advice.
Take Care.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello BT,
Thanks for clarifying --- your message sounded as if you didn't remember what happened, rather than, as you now explain, remembering, but not recognizing what had been so upsetting for him. With tender people around, jokes can at times be surprisingly risky, can't they ? But we need to respect other people's tendernesses.
A agree that you CAn be able to stop the drinking. Your resolves sound promising. Maybe one resolve would be to wear a special hat or baseball cap when you are joking, so they can't mistake it ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/02

HI $tuff,
Yeah, he should stop too, maybe now he will, I don't know, when I say let's have a drink he doesn't say No, you shouldn't with your meds, he encourages it. It is amazing how the addictive types find money for their habits, it is so true. I panic if can't pay accounts and booze is the last thing on my mind, but if I get together with somebody and they want a drink, if I only have 20 bucks, I will spend that on wine and then panic about the rest, nuts hey. My medication is increasing again tomorrow so booze will knock me out, good incentive.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: $tuff | 2004/11/02

Your boyfriend doesn't sound that amazing to me... he knows you have a problem with alcohol and still drinks himself? The least I would expect from my partner would be to clear the house of it and not do it as a supportive gesture.

And how come is it that addictive personalities always manage to get money for their addictions? We can't pay our bills but manage to buy copious amounts of booze, ciggarettes and comfort food...

Ah life, it is nothing if not interesting!

Reply to $tuff
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/02

SW,
Don't worry, you were right, don't apologise. I need to start looking objectively at things and need to apply the answers as you say, just struggling.
Thanks for the chat.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: SW | 2004/11/02

Sh!t sorry ! I didn't mean to make you feel worse. Just thought I'll point out that you have all the answers and you should just apply them.

Hope you feel better soon and please accept my apologies.

Reply to SW
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/02

Thanks Inc, appreciate the sentiment and agree.

SW,
It is easier to give advice than take it, the problem is I know the answers but can't seem to apply it to myself. Now and again I get it right but more often than not I don't. Please don't feel sorry for me and No I don't like it, want it to stop but don't know any different for myself.

I now feel 10 times worse than I felt this morning, you have really made me think, thank you.
Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: SW | 2004/11/02

Yeah, lots of ideas. One would be to suggest you start applying the advice you so lavishly dish out to other people to your own life. You give advice to the woman missing her kids on what sort of a mother one has to be but you don't treat your own daughter that way. You have very wise words on relationships but you are not happy in your own relationship. On second thought, you are not happy, period. I feel sorry for you on the one hand but the other side sees what you do and realises that you must like it or else you would stop. Not like you haven't given everyone on here advice that could have been directed to your own problems in one way or another at least once a day before, is it ?

Reply to SW
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/02

SW,
You are right, it is extremely difficult for me to be there for anyone currently, it hurts physically and my heart is heavy over this but I am caught in this at the moment, the depression doesn't want to pass and I actually don't know anymore how to get out of it, the moments of pure happiness also occur and confuse me, it is up and down all day long, one moment I will laugh and enjoy life, the next I want to cry and slit my wrists, I have constant thoughts of death and it is exhausting. I want my mind to go blank sometimes and the thoughts overwhelm me so much that I am incapable of doing anything. The only thing I can promise anyone around me is that I love them. I feel so sorry for my daughter but always seem to over react, no matter how hard I tell myself that it is not her fault, count to ten, take a deep breath or walk away, once in a while I get it right, but not nearly enough. Any ideas SW?

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/02

Those who are close to you should know you well enough to know when you are joking... you can't possibly do a personality adjustment to suite everyone. You have to be who you are. Like you say... you are tired of apologizing to everyone all the time... don't apologize for who you are... be true to yourself... if anyone doesn't like it... tough! In the end... it will be between you and God and not anyone else. Help yourself as much as possible... and strive towards bettering yourself... screw the rest. Why must you sell yourself short all the time? You don't owe anyone any explanations... your owe something to yourself.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: SW | 2004/11/02

New on this forum but I have read a couple or more of your posts. I find it hard to understand you "being there for them" when you can hardly cope with life yourself.

Reply to SW
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/02

Hi SW,
I hope not, I want to be there for them, the bf as well, I don't want to hurt him or anyone else. What I mean by not being able to promise is that I will be attempting to explain to them what my frame of mind is and that they need to be able to distinguish between when I am joking and when not. I really do not want to hurt anyone......it is their perception that I am hurting them as well, but it is unintentional.

I am also getting tired of always having to apologise for my actions, I am a fun loving person to some extent and enjoy things, when I joke though there are some that don't know this, maybe I am too harsh, my actions and emotions do not correspond so maybe that is the problem, it comes across as being harsh.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: SW | 2004/11/02

"It is part of me to be like this and I will accept it and try not to hurt those around me, but can't promise anything." ??!

They also just have to stay loyal and accept the hurt you dish out then ? I'm disappointed in you BT.

Reply to SW

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