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Question
Posted by: G | 2007/05/31

Repressed anger/repressed hurt? WHAT??!!

A month ago I broke up FINALLY with my physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic boyfriend (on and off for a year and a half). (You may remember some of the history (Garfield, G), but if not it’s not really too important.

Initially I felt a huge sense of relief and have been happily carrying on with my own things – gym, work, friends, looking after myself again etc).

The thing that worries me is, this time is not like all the other times I broke up with him where I still missed him and was still scared of hearing about him being with other people, this time I really don’t miss him and I actually HOPE he will get another girlfriend so that he will leave me alone. (He still sms’s me at least 5 times a day with banal chat – which I ignore).
At first I thought I wasn’t missing him because I was just relieved to be away from all the horrid things he used to do.

However, the last week I have noticed that there is a lot of ANGER bubbling under the surface. For example, I will think I am in a good mood, but then something small will bring out a great rage in me with no prior warning to myself that I am actually in a mood that would usually bring about crossness like that. I can’t really think of anything that is wrong – obviously his texts really p me off but I have been quite proud of myself the way I have been handling them.

I have always been told that anger is a secondary emotion, i.e, you may react in anger to suppress being hurt. But yet, I honestly do not think that I feel hurt. Am I in denial of my feelings? What on earth is up with me and how do I find out how to make myself better?

I do not have any more money left in my medical aid or in general to see a psychologist as I spent a large fortune on seeing someone in order to try get myself to leave my ex!! And I hardly think this warrants a visit to a hospital asking to see a shrink as in a case of emergency.

I really hope someone can help shed some light on this now for me – I am really most upset now that I realise it is very much there, but I am just not sure what to do about it, why it’s there and most of all how to stop doing it …

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder whether POWA< which advises abused women, could make some useful suggestions ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: G | 2007/06/01

Thanks Britty - I think you may be right :-)

Reply to G
Posted by: Britty | 2007/05/31

I don't think that it helps that your ex still contacts you five times a day as it must remind you of the bad things that happened which could be making you angry. Why don't you change your cell number so he can't contact you. Maybe if you didn't have him constantly reminding you of your bad relationship that feeling of anger may disappear once you stop thinking of him. Good luck.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: g | 2007/05/31

Dominee? Thanks anyway - but I do not believe in religion

Reply to g
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/05/31

Go see your "dominee" - it's free :-)

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: G | 2007/05/31

Nope - it's Discovery .... they give nothing away!! And I have used up my medical savings and more on paying the Psych that I did see :-(

Reply to G
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/05/31

Aren't there free sessions included in your medical aid to go see a psychologist?

Reply to Echelle

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