Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/07/20

Reminiscing about old flame, but engaged to soul mate

Dear CS
Its me again, the one with all the answers for others and nothing for myself.
I don't know what to do, lately I've been in touch with my best mate from school who I had a thing with. I broke his heart completely and have never lived down the guilt. We were marvellous together and I'll never forget all the mischief we got up to.
Lately, I've started thinking about all the things he is that my current isn't. Like the fact that my fiance has a temper, and that he isn't as emotional. It's like all the things that are important to me in a man are shining brighter through my ex than through my man.
We keep emailing each other, we've been in touch for years. I just can't understand why everytime we talk we bring up the special times we shared.
I start thinking if my fiance is actually the right man for me, or if my ex looks promising because he's recently single and I'm riddled with guilt.
Please tell me I'm normal. At least a little.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi ~Wings~,
You know, I doubt that you're the only one with answers for everyone but yourself. There's a lot of it about !
I'm not clear whether you are comparing your current bf with an ex you are actually seeing and spending time with ( and thus able to assess more accurately in detail ) or with an ex you have contacted more remotely, and are experiencing as a combination of the best things you remember about him and how he conveys himself in emails. There's a difference. Most of us seem much better in retrospect and by email, than in person ! And, as you imply, it could also be your guilt speaking !
I ahree with Paul and Sunshine, you may be experiencing a bad attack of Normal.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/07/21

Please don't get me wrong, and thanks for all your mails, but I'm NOT EVER going to cheat on my fiance and I do love him dearly. I personally think that Sunshine is right and that the grass seems greener when you're on the other side. The fact that I hurt this ex of mine so much has eaten me up for years and I actually need to just cut all ties with him cause we'll forever be wondering "what if".

So thanks for your postings and take care.

Reply to ~Wings~
Posted by: SOULMATE | 2005/07/20

Hello wings

You say your current fiance is your soulmate, then you know what to do, me as a man will know that a ex b/f will throw what ever he can to get back what he has not got, he will be your friend and find out all the bad points of your current and use it to his advantage, let go of him, if he can not be happy for you he does not deserve to be your friend. give your fionce a chance and speak to him and make him your best friend and rather speak to him about your feelings and what is on your mind, your relationship will better, that i can promise you, because what will happen is your fionce will feel more needed and therefor he will be more emotional and more sepportive. i take it that you are very softharted and very caring about this x's feelings.

Posted by: Pal | 2005/07/20

Hello ~Wings~

What I can say is, the challenges of life are never over, the fact that your current hubby has temper and the ex doesn't. U must admit Girly, You are comparing the two and u are just looking for an excuse to cheat or to leave him, First of all; U dont know his background that much and he does not know yours. Secondly, where did he go, why does he only come to you now after you decided to move. Some people just live to break up the happy home of other people.

If you run to his arms just because of the green pouschers, then you will never succeed. He will still do the same to you after you settled down, maybe with the ex colleague.

Girl please just think carefully, I have been hurt so manytimes and I know the feeling (its like a needle is stuck under your armpit)

Good luck and do post us back.

Reply to Pal
Posted by: Sunshine 1 | 2005/07/20

Hi there,
the mind is a very very funny thing and thats is why what you are feeling is totally normal. life is like this when you are with a certain person for a long while and know you are going to be with them forever you forget all the things that attracted you to him in the first place and then start seeing it in someone else. what inm trying to say is if you go back to your ex its going to be the same going to see your fiance shine more then. i hope you are getting what im trying to say here. basically all i can say is start thinking back as to why you fell for your soon to be hubby and you will realize its all the same non sense that is attracting you to your ex........its just that you and you fiance have been together for a while that you cant see it anymore me thats the weirdest part about life

Reply to Sunshine 1
Posted by: Paul | 2005/07/20

Hello ~Wings~ long time long time.

You are normal.

Keep well.


Reply to Paul

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