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Question
Posted by: Tampoline | 2004/01/14

Remembering Differently Leading to Arguments

My husband and I have a problem of remembering things. My sister asked me if it will be ok for her to come and stay with us for 2 months or so since she’s finishing her studies and she will be out of res, and we don’t live very far from the company where she will be working. Yesterday I told my husband and he said no my sister can’t stay with us since last year after we got married he suggested that his sister come and work for us like(helper, our child minder) and I told him I don’t think it’s a good idea to have a member of the family working for us whether it’s from his side or my side, I told him because both of us will want somebody from their side to come and work for us and I also told him because if we get someone from his family I won’t be comfortable with ordering them around and the other thing is he is very protective of his family.
He said he understands then there was a grocery issue because every month will buy his family groceries and when I ask why aren’t we buying for both families he told me our families are not the same and I remember asking him if he thinks his family is more important that my family and he said yes.
Yesterday while I ask if my sister can come live with us he said no and he said the reason why it’s becoz I was disagreed with him when suggested that his sister come and work for us I said to him the two issues are not the same and he said ok then but you sister can’t come and stay with us.
Then he started telling me gore why am I so biased when it comes to families and I also told him that we all biased since he once told me that his family is important than mine and it was only his family that got groceries from us. And he just got angry telling me that he never said that his family is important than mine and I remember vividly as if it happened yesterday but he is so adamant and angry telling me that he knows himself he never said anything like that. He accuses me of having memory problems yet on the other hand I think he’s the one with memory problems.
It’s not the first time that such a thing happened and the last time I apologized just to save the situation because he was very angry like he is now.
He will never ever accept to saying it I know, what can I do about this kind of problem it’s really bugging me.
My husband is very emotional and it only takes a min for him to go from happiness to rage.
Please advice.
Regards

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Tampoline, don't get tamped on.
Many people let themselves have difficulties in remmbering foolish things they said --- we prefer to think of outselves as always wise and reasonable. But unless one records such announcements on tape or in writing ( hardly practical or acceptable !) or unless there's a reliable witness, there's no way to establish who's recall of what was said, is right or wrong, accurate or inaccurate. Also, perhaps something like the family importance thing may have been said by him when he was angry and in a hurry, and not really listening to himself, so he may no have paid as much attention to saying it as you did.
Wat do other readers think of this sort of situation ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Family | 2004/01/15

Best is stay clear from both families, yourself and your husband have your own lives to life. Do not involve family.. see them when you see them and forget about having family members live with you.. It will work at first but on the long run it won't. Ask me I know!

Reply to Family

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