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Question
Posted by: Tired | 2008/01/22

Relationships

I often hear and read about people, mostly women who stay in troubled marriages not because they want to, but because they have to. There are the experts (professionals and others!) who tell these people to get out of the marriage, start a new life, stop being the victim etc. The biggest factor stopping people from doing the above things is MONEY or the lack thereof! How is a woman nearing 60 with no up to date qualifications, no job, no transport & in poor health going to make a living to fully support herself in today's world? And don't say get help from others - not many people can afford to help - most people are struggling financially. So here is one woman who tried to make the break but because of the financial situation has to stay married, and consequently prays for an early death - because that would be preferable to the life she has to live now!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think the role of the expert should usually NOT be to tell people what to do ( except were the person perhaps doesn't recognize that they are in real danger ) but to get them to consider the situation they are in, to weight the risks and benefits, and to make a wiser and better informed decision than otherwise.
And the major factor keeping many people in bad relationships, is actually not money ( though obviously you're right that in many situations lackm of moeny limits a person's alternatives, there are also various agencies whioch can help with finding alternative accomodation, jobs, etc. ) In a situation such as you describe, clearly it would indeed be very difficult for a woman in that situation to eacaoe --- difficult but possible.
And another aspect to the point you raise, is that especially in these times, no woman ought to allow herself to become that vulnerable, and should instead ensure that she has some money of her own, qualifications and potential jobs, rather than giving up all those opportunities just for a marriage.
See counsellors through Lifeline or FAMSa or POWA or any available agency, and explore what options may still be available

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sue | 2008/01/23

This is so sad to hear, but in saying that there is always a solution and that is not staying in a marriage that is troublesome... you dont say why being in the marriage is so bad though! Is this your marriage or a friends or a family member?

There is always counseling, you can do this for free at lifeline or FAMSA and they can also advise on what to do and were to go

Reply to Sue

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