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Question
Posted by: happy | 2004/11/18

Relationships

Hi
I am doing something that could develop into a problem, unless it already is. I have not been in a relationship for a good year and half now. I am a very sociable guy, good looking and have a happy nature.
The problem is that when i go out and meet women at clubs and bars etc, I tend to get very bored and uninterested with the women, and somehow devise a plan to leave them or make an ass of myself.
Usually on wkends I rent an escort from the internet, i find them very interesting to chat to and enjoy taking them on dates and generally having intercourse afterwards. A few have developed into friendships. Firstly I agree this is an unhealthy lifestyle as it is not real world. I realise that there is some underlying cause of this as it is not natural behaviour. I do practise safe sex and go for regular std tests and aids tests. My friends do not know taht I do this. Please could someone recommend something productive.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Yes, it's called commitment phobia and fear of intimacy. You are the only one that can change your sitiuation.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: johnnyB | 2004/11/19

happy, bru, i respect your feelings and behsviour and i hope your problem gets solved.
goog luck brother
chowchow

Reply to johnnyB
Posted by: 69 | 2004/11/19

Well, I would agree with the mature age...as they know alot more in life and are very comfortable with themselves...if you are in the Jo'burg are, you are welcome to make friends with me.

Reply to 69
Posted by: happy | 2004/11/19

To everyone

Thanx for the feedback. I am 25 years old. Feline your views are correct, and yes I am very happy with my life. Although I do know what I am doing is not physically and mentally healthy. Well you have thrown in a positive side to my dilema and thank you for that.

69, i dont really have an age group that I stick with, my friends range from 20 to 60 and I generally get along better with older women, 30 to late 30's. It is strange, but I really do get bored listening to people in bars and clubs. It has even got to the point that I prefer going to rough places by myself, where no one knows me and just watching peoples behaviour. Its not that I am lonley, I have tonnes of friends that i see. I could write pages of my strange behaviour, but I think its best that I see someone or a group. Thanks again

Reply to happy
Posted by: Feline | 2004/11/19

Hi Happy - you don't mention your age? You have identified your own problem, which is probably a fear of commitment. But if you are not ready to commit, then so what?

My question to you is - why do you find this such a problem? If this lifestyle is working for you I can't see anything wrong with it. And really - you say your friends dont know about it - so what? I dont tell my friends about my sex life!

You sound nice - as you say very open and loving relationship with your friends. Hey - thats great!

Concentrate on the positive aspects of your personality, and stop beating yourself up because of what you percieve as a problem! If you are happy, and content in life its more than most people can have.

Good luck!

Reply to Feline
Posted by: 69 | 2004/11/19

To Happy

Why do you think by meeting someone in clubs or bars, are not interesting?...there are a some of us that are intellectual and can talk on various topics...also good listeners? I cannot understandand that you say otherwise?

What age group are you going for?...this is where the problem might be

Reply to 69
Posted by: happy | 2004/11/18

Thank you "friendly advice" for your insight. I do think a therapist is in need and definately not a professional, but I have not heard good things about therapists, such as they are a waste of time. I have actually been to one for three months and eventually walked out as their advice was not consistent. I have experienced alot sexually, and am continually searching dating sites aswell as escort sites for women. I know I am not helping myself by doing this. I do think it is sexual in nature, aswell as a fear of commitment. I dont think it is an intimacy issue as Iam very open and loving to my friends. Would you recommend any support groups or helplines that could assist.

Reply to happy
Posted by: friendly advice | 2004/11/18

Hi, i would suggest that you pose this to the cyberShrinks forum, as it is not a problem of a sexual nature, but rather one of a nature of which the cyber shrink could help. It could be some deep routed fear of an attachment because of a complex of sorts that you may have. The escorts are paid to do what they do and thus lend a sympathetic ear, as it is in their financial interests to do so. You probably find that you keep soliciting the same one or two for this very reason. Honestly, my friend, no of us like to be lonely, or alone, I sincerely think you should talk to a professional ( therapist , I mean) in this regard. its not, as i see it, a sex issue. Best of luck

Reply to friendly advice

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