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Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Relationships

My boyfriend doesn't trust me. I broke the trust in the first month of the relationship but haven't done anything since to break the trust. I wanted a long-term relationship with him and though "the one night fling" would be my last "kick". I know that sounds sick but that it what my mindset was at the time.
Now it gets thrown in my face all the time. I am belittled and made to feel "inferior" because of this. And to make things worse it was one of his friends. He has also got physically aggresive a few times and "lost it" with me. Following this I moved out and now we only see each other when it "suits him". He spends most of his time with his friends now and his mother and I am not invited anymore. I have been pushed out of his life and then when I go and do my own thing I am accused of " -|- ing around". This relationship is almost 2 years old and I love him dearly but we cannot carry on like this. He doesn't trust me still after saying he does. I am a very social person. When we go clubbing together I am not "allowed" to talk to certain people, and he gets to tell me who my friends are and who they aren't. Do u think there is hope for a relationship that has turned out like this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/10/13

You guys both have major issues - within yourselves and this relationship.
Do not take this the worng way but how can you be in a relationship with another person when everything inside you is not alright.......? think about this. As for your relationship, maybe somethings are not worth fixing?
Some hurts just cannot be healed by time or space, and sometimes love is not enough. Once trust is broken it can never be the same.
I hope you both find what you are looking for, good luck.
Take care
Juzlisen

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: Sue | 2004/10/13


Is this a joke? Grow up and stop putting rubbish on this forum!

Reply to Sue
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

Dieselbaby : I didn't throw the phone in your ear, I just didn't answered it. I don't need anymore questions from you, and you calling me names. I'm moving on.

Thanx Grant & Danny Girl for let me seeing the bigger picture here.

It feels like a whole range of mountains just fallen of my shoulders...

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Okay guys, he has called it quits. Now we can all move along.

Ciao ciao

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

... - I have tried phoning him but he keeps throwing the phone in my ear - even if I am nice.

Will do!

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Sorry, won't discuss things on the www again. Was directed here, thought it would help.

Have a great evening all and thanks for the input.

Don't understand what baby ?

P.L.U.R

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Sorry, won't discuss things on the www again. Was directed here, thought it would help but it didn't.

Have a great evening all and thanks for the input.

Don't understand what baby ?

P.L.U.R

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: ... | 2004/10/13

U guys are confusing me, why don't u just talk over the phone and get it over with,

The Boyfriend: if you can't trust her, just tell her that in so many words : i don't want to be with you anymore

The Girlfriend: if he does the above move on!!!

Reply to ...
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

Diablo : Dude, I don't lift my hands for girls.

Grant : Thanx for the input, I'm glad you understand what I'm going through

Lady Luck : Thanx, but I've told her before not to raise these issues on the net, but she just keeps on doing it.

Danny Girl : That's my whole point, she doesn't understand.

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

- Grant. That is cool. I understand. Will move on.

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

- Lady Luck. What is this website for then ?

- The Boyfriend. Call me later then if you want to chat. No more net shit then.

- Diablo. Glad to hear advice from someone who has been there.

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Grant | 2004/10/13

Dieselbaby - I don't know you, but all this is saying a lot to me already. What you did was wrong, and you can't blame him for having trust issues with you. I would have done the same if I was in his shoes.

Reply to Grant
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Is there still love left and is it worth fighting for ? (no 3rd, 4tf, 5th or 6th parties involved) ?

Can you trust me ? Do you trust me ?

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Lady Luck | 2004/10/13

you guys have real serious issues to sort out alone not on the net.

Reply to Lady Luck
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

- Diablo. Thanks - that sounds like the best advice here. I do love him immensely and am willing to give it another try. If he is. Totally honest and faithfull (as I have been).

- Danny Girl - the only people I know with no baggage are under 20!

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

What was the reason why you came to this site again? Wasn't it trust issues I had with you!

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: Diablo | 2004/10/13

Ek dink die dude "The Boyfriend" moet gaan vir berading.Hy het trust issues en as hy raad nodig het is hy op die regte site vie advies.Wat het geword van om die verlede te vergeet en oor te begin,is om omverskooning te vra te veel of beteken dit niks nie.As daar liefde is daar 'n toekoms.
Hy is ook te agresief soos hy se hy slaan deure stikkend en wat van 'n volgende keer,dan is haar gesig die deur.Ek het ook sulke dinge gedoen maar en amper die liefde van my lewe verloor,ek moes maar net oor nag groot geword het en my trust issue oorkom het,nou is ek so happy soos wat jy kry.

The Boy Friend tel jou kouse op en hou die girl 'n saak het altyd twee kante en dink mooi voordat jy die handoek in gooi die lewe is te kort vir kinder kak."n Mens mis altyd die persoon as hulle nie meer daar is nie dan is dit te laat.

Reply to Diablo
Posted by: danny-girl | 2004/10/13

THE BOYFRIEND - why would you want to stay with someone who you cannot trust and speaks to you in this way ?

Girlfriend - hope you leant a lesson here..... re-read this once you've calmed down...

Reply to danny-girl
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

- Grant. How can you say that if u don't even know me.

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

So, if we have been broken up since July then why do you hack into my stuff and question my every move. What was the reason we broke up again ? Please refresh my memory.

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Grant | 2004/10/13

I think you made the right decission "The Boyfriend".

This girl will brake your trust again, as she's just blurting all your personal issues out here. Move one, there's many fish in the sea.

Reply to Grant
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

The boyfriend - Ok. point taken.

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

But you are a full hand of baggage.
I didn't hack into anything. If you search google.com, you'll find all the answers.

I'm so out of you life. And I know I said I'm breaking up with you on the 13 July. But I will say it again, please get on with your life and everything. We were never meant to be!

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

He invited himself. He is a pushover. Way below my standards. I am not looking for someone new. He came to DJ and DJ only but I know he had alternative motives. He is an idiot of note and not someone I would ever want to talk to again. He totally ruined the evening for me.

It is over now - why can't u forgive me, why are you still punishing me for something I apologised for and never did again. Why ? I am not that kind of person. You know that. I am faithful and honest - so many unanswered questions as well ...


Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Yeah, so does this mean you won't be hacking into my e-mails, sms's etc ...

I am not the one with the baggage here. I got rid of it ages ago.

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

Dieselbaby:

Did you expect me to go to your x's house for a party where you invited the Ryan guy as well?

Did you think, sleeping with my friend was a treat to me and wouldn't broke my hart, and mentally abuse me? Did you think of me at all? If you did, why didn't you back off and said NO.

It's your right to say NO. Otherwise he raiped you...
So many unanswered questions.

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Danny-girl - Yip, from both sides.

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

Thanx Danny-girl. I hear you. I wish I could have seen this earlier. But you know what they say -> Once a cheater, always a cheater... Thanx for all your inputs here, exactly what I wanted to hear.

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

- The boyfriend. What about what happened that night on the highway ? The "incident" that made me move out. What do you call that.

I can't help this guy e-mailed me etc. I have told him to get lost cause he is a loser of note and I am in a relationship. He has got the hint now and he has left me a alone. I am not in his league at all. He knows that.

I am not talking about physically abusive, but also mentally and emotionally. Do you think I deserve to be made out to be some "whore or slut" that can't fend for myself.

I know I can trust him fully and I do, I really do. But do I deserve to be belitted and made to feel scared to talk about my "whereabouts" and what I do ? I invite him with to my brothers birthday party and he doesn't want to go but I don't get invited to his family and friend "events" anymore. Can anyone explain this one ?





Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: danny-girl | 2004/10/13

move on the the next Girlfriend "The Boyfriend" here's just to much "bagage" here

Reply to danny-girl
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

JM. I'm not abusive at all. Sorry if you get the wrong picture here, but I'm not. Just another thing added to my name, which I can't take honour for...

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: The Boyfriend | 2004/10/13

She said I musn't contact her as she needs a break.
We are only going out for a year and a half. This happened in the early time of the relationship, but I only found out a year later.

Then I told her I'm going to CT for my friends birthday, and now she thinks I'm going to do the same to her.

The friend of mine she was with, was still my friend, and no, he didn't want to get me back as we were good friends before the incident. The funny thing was that they even asked each other what will happen if I find out, yet that didn't stop them.

However this is not the problem here, but it jumps back to it the whole time, as she feels guilty that she did it. The new thing now is the other guy. Which even asked her out for lunch, meet her at parties and smsing, email, & phones her. It's not that I tell her not to be friends with this guy, but knows what this guy wants to do with her.

I really think it's stupid to discuss this, as we already went through 50 pages of this on another site.

Another thing is that her friends say I'm like this, and whatever, but they don't know me at all. I've been faithfull. And have never done things like this in our relationship or in past relationships. Trust is a big word. But it's not just a word.

One last thing I'm not physically agressive. That's the part where she's trying to tell me what I am. I have never lift my hand for any girl. I was a bit agro, but I took it out on the door, and had it replaced. But not with her.

But I think this will be the last now. As I'm not going to stand for her friends to talk shit about me. I'm sorry, but I'm a nice guy. And when she doesn't get what she wants, then it's tantrim (spelling) time.

This has been going on for more than 6 months. And she just calls me names.

You guys can take any viewpoint here. But I'm not just standing behind the door, I'm looking at the whole are here...

Reply to The Boyfriend
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/13

That question I really can't help with. Everyone copes with separation differently. Surely most of us will cry our eyes out for months and always wonder what if.....

But you know what girl, if it was meant to be, it will be.

Don't go and beat yourself up about something that happened long ago, while doing that you might miss better opportunities passing your way.

Think about so many ladies that does not have the guts, emotional strenght to get out of abusive relationships like you.

Don't think about the future, take it day by day!

Good luck and keep my posted.

JM

Reply to JM
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

JM - Thanks for the advice. I will never ever do it again. I lost a lot. This was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but I have to be mature about it and realise what it has done. Lesson well learnt. I feel bad and will probably be going to hell for it. He is an awesome awesome guy and any girl would be lucky to win his heart. Now, how do I get over it and move on??

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/13

Dieselbaby,

You have answered your own question. Yes you are definitely better off without it. If everything is true what you say then you are definitely better off. People do make mistakes. If he wasn't able to forgive you why did he go on with the relationship.

Me and my other half always say if you can't be yourself in a relationship, get the hell out of it.

Just remember, it will be tough, your heart will ache but you will get over it. But never ever break someones trust again.

Good Luck

Reply to JM
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

Thanks for all the help guys. I have just figured it out.

A) This boy is too emotionally insecure and unstable to have a grown up relationship.
B) He accuses people of things because "hy staan agter die deur"
C) He can't forgive and thinks he can now manipulate and control because of something I did ages ago. Well think again.
D) Worlds apart for sure!

I am better off on my own!

Baby, I will miss you a lot !

Have a fantastic time in Cape Town!

C ya around;)

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

- JM.

DOESN'T SEEM HE WANTS TO TALK. HE DOESN'T WANT TO FORGIVE ME AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO TRUST ME. I HAVE PROVED MYSELF FOR A YEAR AND A HALF NOW AND I AM STILL ACCUSED.

I DO NOT HAVE ANYONE NEW AND HAVE NOT -|- ED AROUND FOR A YEAR AND A HALF - THAT IS MY POINT. AND NOW I AM BEING CALLED NAMES.

WHEN I WANT TO PHONE AND TALK HE SLAMS THE PHONE IN MY EAR. WHY ?

DO U THINK THIS IS FAIR ?

IF HE CAN'T FORGIVE ME THEN PERHAPS IT IS BETTER TO FORGET ?

I REALLY LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART BUT CANNOT STAND THIS ISOLATED LIFE. I HAVE TO ALWAYS FEEL SCARED OF WHO I TALK TO AND WHAT I DO. WHY ?

ANYWAYS, SUPPOSE I BOUGHT IT ON MYSELF. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BUT IT HAPPENED. I THINK HIS FRIEND USED ME AS SOME SCAPEGOAT TO GET BACK AT HIM FOR SOMETHING AND NOW I HAVE TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. AM I BETTER OFF WITHOUT IT ?


Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: r1150gs | 2004/10/13

dont you children have homework to do or ps2 games to play.

Reply to r1150gs
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/13

Dieselbaby, The boyfriend,

Why don't you guys sit down and discuss this properly?

Dieselbaby if it is true wat your boyfriend say about the new dude on the block, then shame on you! If you really want to have a long term relationship the keyword here is commitment. If you don't want to commit this relationship is doomed.

The boyfriend, if she has broken your trust, why keep up with her? Why push her aside and only see her when you feel like it, why be physically aggressive? Rather cut her totally out of your life...

But if you guys really want to make this work, talk this out, go for help, whatever, but stop making each other miserable.

Reply to JM
Posted by: Dieselbaby | 2004/10/13

I am not with anyone else, I have not -|- ed anyone else and I do not intend on being with anyone else.

He keeps on acusing me of shit that I am innocent of for no apparent reason. One and a half years later. Do you think this is fair.

I can't talk to people even at a party and I get crapped on. Now I have been pushed out of his life. -|- knows for what.

You are right, if he can't accept my apology then I suppose it is not worth living my life trying to prove myself all the time.

It was a huge mistake and I admit to it. This guy took advantage of me in a big way as well. Perhaps we wanted to do it to get his friend back for something and now I am in the middle.

I am not obsessed with anyone. I don't need to be.

I am a honest and faithful person. If he can't forgive then it is inevitable that we should forget ...

Reply to Dieselbaby
Posted by: Grant | 2004/10/13

I reckon this girl is obsessed with him. If you wanted to be with him, why did you brake his trust in the first place?

Reply to Grant
Posted by: The boyfriend | 2004/10/13

I think this is totally shit. Why don't you tell about the new guy on the block, Ryan? I also think this can't go on. Whenever there's a problem it get's spread out on the net. She just telling everyone what type of person she is.

By the way, she didn't tell me about the one night fling, I found it out via my friends and she confirmed it. So much for trust. And now with Ryan, well that's another ensclopedia on it's own! I'm not the one here that needs a change. I've been faithfull up till today, yet her friends don't think so. But, hey, they don't know me, as I only see her friends now and then.

Reply to The boyfriend
Posted by: Zee | 2004/10/13

I actually dont think ur guy has 4given u for that incident. Sit down with him, tell him how u feel. Make him aware that if the situation does not improve its better that you guyz stop seeing each other for a while until he has made up his mind whether he wants to change

Reply to Zee

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