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Question
Posted by: tired | 2004/03/10

relationships

I am currently living with my fiance in the house he started building 5 years ago (way before my time) … anyway his sister and her husband (with their 3 month old baby) are living with us now since november and there has been a lot of tension. I have been supporting them all financially as non of them have fixed income. I realize that this is normal and that its difficult for everyone but I’m starting to feel like I cant take it anymore. I feel like I’m being singled out as the problem in the house, because no one really cares what goes on there or how it looks. No matter how we try to work around the issues we may have they never truly go away. I talk to my fiancé and let him know when there is a problem and he always says he’ll sort it out and nothing ever happens. Things went well for a little while but last night his sister had a grip about my closing a door to hard and he moaned at me in front of them. I felt like telling him that maybe he should marry his sister because she’s all that matters to him … am I wrong or just over sensitive? What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

tired, no wonder you're tired. It sounds like you're being used, or at least taken for granted by a rather selfish and greedy bunch. it's not usual for you to have to supposrt your boyfriend --- and it's absolutely not usual for you to have to support his sister, her husband and baby, too. What next, mom, dad, and the aunts and uncles ? Between them the three adults ought not only to be job-unting actively, but to be taking of jobs for at least some moeny ; and they ougfht to be deeply appreciative of your sacrifices for them. If he doesn't appreciate this, and support you, I wonder what is in it for you, in the relationship ? Wouldn't you be better on your own, supporting only yourself, while they sort themselves out, and you could decide whether you'd actually want a new relationship with him ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Oh NO | 2004/03/10

They are all using you as a financial crutch, get out before you lose everything else besides your money.
Why do none of them have a fixed income - because they are too used to you taking care of all the financial burdens and responsibilities.
Look at your situation carefully. What purpose do you really serve in their lives? Are you there because you are wanted or needed?

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