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Question
Posted by: Heidi | 2007/02/19

Relationship Problems

I've been going out with someone for a year and a half, a month ago he started going through a very pressurised period and went back to his flat to stay and I've hardly heard or seen from him since. When I try and talk to him or ask him to let me know whats happening with us I get no response or else I get the answer I don't know I'm so busy I don't even have time for myself. I just feel worthless, he can't even make time for me. I feel as if I should walk away from this relationship but to be honest if he can't even reply to me to tell me whats happening then I also feel why should I make it easy for him that it's me saying it;s over because he has got the nerve to . I have to do something as this is making me feel depressed and I can't seem to move on.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He is being veru rude indeed, and effectively he has dumped you, and owes you both an apology and an explanation. You have lost nothing at all in losing someone who behaves like that.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mapap | 2007/02/20

I'm sorry to say this but I think he is using the pressurised period to get red of you. I've been there I found out dat my ex distance from me coz he was giving me a reason to dump him. So wake up & smell da coffee before it's 2 late.

Reply to mapap
Posted by: answer | 2007/02/19

Heidie, I'm sure I've dated this guy too.... Or he is just a lot like someone I dated... you answered your question yourself in your first post Hun... he can't even make time for you, so why waste your time on him... move on with your own life my dear, you are the most important person in your life!!!!

Reply to answer
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/19

Well then he should say so, but he's not crying out for help. If he needs more psychological treatment or advise he needs to consult and help himself. He's a big boy and he knows that. Once again there's nothing you can do for him where that's concerned, he needs to do it himself! He knows what he needs to do to get better and get back to his old self again. When/if he's ready to that he will ! but only when HE wants to!

Reply to Joy
Posted by: Heidi | 2007/02/19

Joy, to some extent I wonder whether there is not a more deep seated problem with the guy in question, like I say we've been together for a year and a half , he has a tendancy to make life difficult for himself and then when it all gets a bit much instead of trying to work through it, he will openly say he would rather sit in his flat on his own and sulk. So I have wondered for a while if there is not something else not quite right. he did tell me at one stage that he had been to see a psychologist and been told he had a chemical imbalance, gone onto medication which helped and then taken himself off it .

Reply to Heidi
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/19

Its truly odd that he would just up and leave when things were just fine the one minute and bad the next. And i can imagine that if you've been dating for a year and a half you'd feel like you know him and can sort of assess when things are not okay but know that he'll sort himself out or discuss it with you so that you stay in the loop.
Sometimes guys need time-out..and whether this behaviour of his totally out-of-character or not, everything will become clear some time or another but you cant see yourself whither in the meantime see? Maybe when he gets back you'll be so focused on your needs that his wont matter anymore and you'll be more confident to walk out with your head held high..with no regrets and a clear conscience! Good Luck and take care!

Reply to Joy
Posted by: Heidi | 2007/02/19

Thanks Joy, I just find it so hard to believe that we've gone from a relatively good relationship to one thats in tatters within a month, I feel resentful of him too because I feel worthless because he cannot take the time to at least let me know he's alive. One of the big problems is that his ex wife would happily ignore him for weeks on end as she freely admitted she didn't love him so I think he's probably used to not having to be responsible for his actions. But your advise is sound and to be honest in my heart I know it's the right thing to do because he's actually not worth my worry right now. I just wish I could wash him out of my life easier.

Reply to Heidi
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/19

Heidi stop calling him! and making contact with him via email and sms! Let him call you and let you know when he's ready talk since he's the one with the problem. You dont have to move on immediately but use this time to focus on you and your needs. Go back to the gym or take up painting (i believe there's an artist in all of us) and keep busy, make sure whatever you do consumes your time to the max..!! You're gonna drive yourself crazy by waiting by the phone but if you're busy it wont consume all of you and you can focus your energies on enriching yourself. Its hard i know, the sleepless nights and not even having an appetite..take the power back though..take care of you now! You'll be able to take care of him better when he gets back if you take care of yourself FIRST!

Reply to Joy

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