Posted by: leora | 2009/03/16

Relationship pressure

I have been single all my life and now 26 yrs old. I started dating this guy last year and lost my virginity to him. He is 35 yrs old, things were wonderful between us until early this year. At home I' m the only one who works a decent job so I help out a lot financially. My one brother is studying towards a diploma and my youngest sister jst started high school this year.

Problems started when I told him that my sister was coming to stay with me, he had help me move to the flat but I paid for transport and all so he helped me carry things inside. I had known for a while that my sister was gonna come and stay with me but I didn' t tell him. I was scared to tell him because he so against me helping my siblings. He didnt take it nicely and ever since things have never been the same. I applied late to bodying school so I had no choice but to take my sister because she had been accepted to one school in town so she couldnt travel from home is it very far. I tried telling him this earlier and he threatened to live me saying he wants to get married and he doesnt want someone who has so many issues like me. So I decided just to keep thing to myself. But now He doesnt trust me coz I dont tell him things. He is so angry with that everytime we argue about something he brings this up and says I cheated on him because he helped me to move thinking he will benefit now he doenst benefit as we can' t spend precious time together with my sister being there. All this I had planned before I met him and now. Am I wrong for doing this? I cant just live my family like that they have been there for me through had times and I where I am because of them. I think to him I should do what he says and that will show him love him. What should I do. I feel so stressed, I says I love my family more than I love him.

I never ask him for anything even money, whatever he does for me comes out of him but even the things he do for me he makes me feel guilty about them. If I tell him things that I want to do he tells me " no"  I shouldn' t do them because I wont be able to do them. Am I wrong for expecting him to support me not to tell me I wont be able to do it? What do I do in this situation, I love him and I want our relationship to work but its so hard.

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Our expert says:
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I wonder --- is he a single child, who never helped his own siblings ? Why does he seem to find it so hard to udnerstand that you are doing this ? If he heped you move only so it would benefit him, then he was being selfish and not generous. And he seems to feel your family are competing with him for your affection and time --- he sounds insecure, and maybe not a good bet for a stable and happy relationship

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Our users say:
Posted by: Flower 1980 | 2009/03/16

Go with the doc advise, I belief you have to put family first no matter what. Love he is not marriage material, and its right what you are saying, you are where you are because of where you come from, and is your family.If you feel you wnat to help them do it, a boyfriend you can always get again,A mother, father, brother or sistet whom you love, you don t just get on any street corner. Push him to the curve,give him an ultimatum. You can stand on your own two feet, you dont need him

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