Posted by: NN | 2008/07/24

Relationship not the same anymore

I do not know if I am over-reacting but the past few months I have been feeling like my relationship is falling apart. My bf and I were engaged for 18 months. Broke up for 18 months and now we have been back together for a year now. Reason we got back together is that we do love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. But since we have been together some things have gotten better where some have gotten worse. My bf used to email me and sms me during the day to say he misses me, loves me or I must have a good day. He has not done that in 5 months – said or did anything to make me feel special. Since we have been together, not once has he told me how happy he is to have me back in his life and why he loves me so much or why he still wants to marry me one day. You know –  all the little romantic things. For about 8 months now we make love maybe once a week. And when I talk to him about it he has some kind of excuse. We barley go out together, we just sit at home and he plays the computer and I watch TV. I say to him let’ s go to movies or go plat putt putt and he has some other excuse. He plays golf the entire weekend and is out during the week. It has come to a point where I ask my friends to go with me to movies on weekends. And then he gets upset that I go to movies with them and not him. But he is never at home and never wants to go out. When he goes out with friends or company functions we comes home at like 3am and drunk. But when we go out together to his company functions or even if it is to a family function, then he does not want to drink and we are always the first people to leave, making me look like I am the one who is the party pooper. The past 4 weeks he has played golf all weekend and this week he said he would not play golf this weekend as he wanted to spend time with me and the very next day he tells me that he was asked to play golf this weekend. And so I was upset about it and he cancelled his game. But it feels like he only cancelled because I am forcing him to spend time with me and not because he actually wants to spend time with me. A month ago I was sick with bronchitis and he promised to come home early and make me dinner. Instead he called me at 5pm to say he was going fro drinks with a buddy. He only got home after 10. Maybe I am asking too much but it seems like his level of commitment towards me as just disappeared. Am I being silly or does it seem like we have a problem?

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Our expert says:
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If this relationship is to get anywhere constructively, surely the pair of you need to see a relationship counsellor together ? You do certainly sound as though there is a problem within the relationship ; and counselling is a way to explore whether this is fixable ( and whether fixing it is the most desirable outcome ) or at least to understand how this happened, if you want to plan to separate and avoid such situations in the future

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2008/07/25

I dnt understand why some women hold on to people that really dnt wanna be with them. there is nothing more pathetic. let him go and move on with ur life. all the signs are there!

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Been there | 2008/07/24

Run run run as fast as you can. All the signs for a future disaster are there, DO NOT ignore it. I wish I listened to my instincts and acted on the sighs that my now husband gave me when we were engaged,if I did, I would be happily single right now, instead Im stuck in an unhappy marriage, dont know how to leave, because sometimes its good, but mostly its dead, like you sitting alone in front of the TV, never able to gop out together to do stuff cause he is justnot interested. Im a married single, DONT GO THAT ROUTE, break it off now, while youre not married yet and no children involved

Reply to Been there
Posted by: beenthere | 2008/07/24

Maybe and I hope not, he is making someone ells feel special. He can’ t go out with you what if you run in his other ” friends”  Maybe even at work 3am with your love waiting at home. Golf is the get out card.
Make him understand you deserve demand expect more. Good luck. Really hope it’ s not the case.

Reply to beenthere
Posted by: andy | 2008/07/24

well after some time, it does happen that the small things dissapear, my husband used to do what ur man did before, the fone calls ,smses and emails, but nw its ervey once in a while, try to talk to him, let him knw how u feel,smthn mus tbe bothering him, good luck

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