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Question
Posted by: linda | 2017/06/03

relationship issue

I am a mom of two children their father stays apart from us . I thought all was good until i realise that when i am at work he comes to my place and sleeps with my kids nanny. I confronted them and the nanny left . Now i find out that he cheats with my sister . I can see the is no love when a person does this but what hurts me most is his affair with my sister i ask myself how am i suppose to explain to my kids that daddy is sleeping at their aunt s place and stays there. Its so hurting but also ackward i dont know what to say to my kids they are still young . I am hurt and embarrased

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/06/05

Hello Linda,
In a situation such as you describe, of course it is hurtful and embarrassing. But it sounds as though there is a whole lot more wrong with your relationship than just these specific incidents.  From the wording of your question, it sounds as though you are not married to this man, who, though he has fathered two children with you, is apparently entirely unfaithful to you. And his infidelity seems to go well beyond simply having sex with other women, but seems to deliberately include relationships that he must know would be especially hurtful, even insulting, to you : choosing to do so with your nanny and your sister.  This shows a total lack of respect for you, your children, and the women involved.
You don't mention whether he pays proper maintenance for the care of the children,  but if he does not, you should go to a court and ensure that he is required to do so.
You also don't mention the ages of the children.  It is surly difficult for you to explain his contemptuous behaviour towards you to yourself, let alone to explain it to the children.
It sounds as though he is uncaring about whether his behaviour is obvious to you or to the children.  Have they begun asking any actual questions about this ?
Maybe seeing a personal counsellor will help you to better examine all your options in this situation.  When you say that while you're at work "he comes to my place": is this actually your place ?  Somewhere you own, or pay the rent on ? Or is it somewhere he owns or pays rent on ?  If you have the right to occupy it, in your own right, couldn't you have the licks changed, so he cannot enter the place when you are not there, or without good reason ?  You could tell the nanny that she is not allowed to let him or anyone else come into your place while you are out, or to have sex with anyone while she is supposed to be caring for the children. Surely that would be fair grounds for dismissing her,  as she cannot be properly caring for children while bedding any guest.
Don't you need to define your current relationship with him more clearly ? Were you married and are now divorced ? If so, do you have legal custody of the children, and does he have formal visitation rights ?  Or was your relationship with him informal, and the current arrangements about the children, similar ?  Maybe you need legal advice, though his responsibility for paying maintenance must continue until the children are adult, as to whether he is a fit person to have access to children, as he chooses to have sex with their nanny in their home, and with their aunt, to their knowledge ?
What does his faily think if his behaviour ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/06/05

Hi Linda. Sorry to hear about what you are facing and going through. For now say nothing to your small children they will not understand right now. Second never send your kids with him or let them spend a weekend at your sisters place. Let him see the kids either at your place or a neutral place without your sister. Your sister should be ashamed of herself. You have nothing to stand back for or feel ashamed about. You did absolutely nothing this is all on them.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: ED | 2017/06/05

Hi Linda, so sorry to hear. Sounds like your sister is not the best of people either for allowing this. However it is always best to be honest with children as they do find out the truth in the long run. Best of luck there

Reply to ED

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