Posted by: Whyohwhy | 2009/04/19

Relationship issue

Hi CyberShrink

I feel so bad today.

Earlier in the year I met some guy and we were about to enter into a relationship, but I told him that I reckon we should maybe rather just be friends and that I do not wish to be in a relationship now. He got angry and did not want to speak to me again. This is after we engaged in some sexual encounters, but we did not have sexual intercourse. About a month ago I started getting body rash (most probably an allergy) and some cold symptoms. I SMS' ed him and asked him to please go for HIV and STD tests as I am not sure whether I perhaps contracted something from him with regard to my symptoms, and that I am scared. After a week I received no response and told him today that I am now suspicious. He then replied and said that he is in a new relationship and hence the reason why he is quiet. He said that he does not have HIV or other illnesses, and that it is my own fault if I do, because I probably " did the same to other guys what I did to him"  so I must take my suspiciousness and stick it. He said who gave me the right to tell him such ugly things. I replied and said that I tested negative before I met him and that I haven' t been with any guy for a year and a half before that, so it means then that I am still negative if he is clean. I thanked him for his honesty and reply, but I also said that I don' t appreciate the fact that he implies I have been sleeping around and breaking hearts, and in turn asked him who gave him that right also. It ended there.

CyberShrink, your take on this please! I learned my lesson out of all this I' m sure. I am not stressed that I have contracted HIV from him anymore, but I will anyhow go for the test at the 3 month mark.

Please make me understand this better. Thank you doc.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi WoW,
Just a well to make sure with the testing. But why are you allowing yourself to feel so bad ? Lets try to get this into proportion. You decided, no doubt for good reasons, NOT to get into a serious relationship with this guy, before he revealed himself to be a jerk. Sounds as though he found this annoying, presumably disappointing. But the timeline isn't clear. You had also begun having some forms of sex together, when you discovered you had suspicious symptoms. Responsibly, you warned him, and suggested he be checked. Now, if he was confident that he could not be infected, he may have found this implication that he was, offensive and hurtful, and that seems to have been how he reacted. This, in turn, was obviously hurtful and insulting to you.
Unfortunate and hurtful things happen, often without either of the people involved actually intending to hurt the other. The relationship is over, and from the sound of it you would probably not have been happy together. OK, move on, and learn from this experience, and in time you will find someone with whom you will be happier. Don't waste energy brooding or rehearsing what happened, or contiuing to give this guy significance in your life. Sounds like he has moved on ; do likewise.

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Our users say:
Posted by: pertunia | 2014/04/14

i am in a relationship where i feel like my partner is not resonding to our relationship he never calls me and i m the only 1 calling him time to time and we never have time to talk the only time we meet we only have sex. and i m in cilift madication after my daughter passed away my doctor put me on it so is this relationship real or fake and i do love the guy but if feel like the relationship is gonna couse me more harm can u help

Reply to pertunia
Posted by: Sindy | 2013/10/01

His response to your concern was unfortunate. However, I also understand where he was coming from. You dumped him, then called him later about an infection you claimed to have picked up from him. You had not even confirmed this with a doctor at the time. In future, I would suggest you make sure that you are indeed infected with STD/HIV before making any accusations. i know that you trusted your self as you state that you had been single for some time. Maybe he trusted himself to be "clean" as well.

Reply to Sindy

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