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Question
Posted by: Tish | 2007/05/02

Relationship help

I am with a man who cannot express his love. Who when confronted say's that he was brought up that way. He gives me everything my heart desires but he's always cold. If I do not make the first move, ie. hold him, sit with him etc, then it just will not happen.

In bed at night he holds me and gives me all the love he believes is necessary.

If I complain I am being a bitch and do I know how women are treated by men, I should be glad for what I get.

Must I just accept that his is all the love I will get ? I always feel needy. This relationship makes me feel needy. Yes, I have discussed this with him and it's made no difference. He never pushes me away.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people are just naturally not able to express their emoptions, including love ; and some are taught not to do so within their upbringing. Understand that, and don't expect them to become emotionally eloquent, any more than you would expect them to start speaking Finnish. Marriage counselling might help you two to understand each other better and to speak more of each other's emotional languages

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2007/05/02

I am that kind of person myself. I am not emotional, and my wife was the one who took the lead when we were still dating. In facty, getting married was her idea. If not, I would still have been single, because I have never had the confidence to take the initiative in a relationship. That is also the reason why my wife is the only person I have ever been romantically involved with (if you can call it that). Although I rarely tell her that I love her, she knows without a doubt that I do, and that there will never be anybody else for me. I would rather express my love in more tangible and practical ways, because it means a whole lot more than words. If you tell someone that you love them, they will forget. if you show it, they will take you seriously. I will never consider divorce, because I consider it to be a sin.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Tish | 2007/05/02

Maria I do not love him like I loved the love of my life, who broke my heart and cheated on me, but after that I do love him. I don't know if he loves me because he never say's so yet I suppose he proves it in his way.

I am over 40 and I have been married and in relationships and this is the best person I have had so far. He does not hit me or abuse me.

Reply to Tish
Posted by: Maria | 2007/05/02

In addition, I wonder about the way you put it... "I'm with a man". Do you love him? Does he love and respect you? If the relationship makes you that unhappy, do you have to stay in it?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2007/05/02

Saying that he was brought up that way is not an excuse - people can change. I suggest you read a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and get him to read it too. Then both of you can work on expressing your love in a way that the other person appreciates.

Reply to Maria

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