Posted by: NN | 2008/07/25

Relationship hard - will it get better?

Yesterday I submitted a post (no.1871) about my relationship not being the same anymore. Mainly because my bf just doe not make an effort anymore. So yesterday I decided to send him and email telling him how I feel. I never got a response to it and I never heard from him the rest of the day. So I asked him last night if he had anything to say about the email I sent him and he said no and walked away. He could see I was upset about it and started telling me that he has been so busy and that is why he is not giving me attention. He did not even apologize for being the way he has been, nor did he say he would make more of an effort. All he could say was that the relationship is difficult and some days he feels like he cannot carry on but he just thinks we are going through a tough patch. And then he went on to say that until we are married I have no say over what he does and I do not control his life. I do not want to control his life at all –  all I asked is that he maybe sacrifices golf to spend some quality time with him. Is that too much to ask? Yes our relationship is difficult and at least once a week I go over our relationship and try to convince myself why I should carry on. I have been crying since yesterday and I have just had enough –  I am trying my best to make things work and all he cares about is himself. I feel like taking a break but I do not know if that will make or really break us. He has a tendency to get lonely and then calls up his exes or goes out and meets women so having a break might not be a good idea. Right now I just feel so unloved and hurt. I do not know what to do.

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Our expert says:
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He still sounds a bit immature ( and too devoted to his golf ) to be in a major relationship or married. How about relationship counselling. to make it "less hard " ? Maybe he is busy ; but that doesnt stop him from being able to explain this pelasantly and to apologise for being less available --- and he's certainly not too busy if he has any time at all to call up his exes or to meet up with any other women.

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2008/07/28

I strongly feel that if he cant make the effort now, its not going to get beeter if you married. His attitude towards the relationship already says alot. Girl i think it time you move on. he has made you a option in his life, while you have made him a priority..thats not how it works. Dont waste your time on someone that does not make the time for you. Its not worth it.

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Posted by: Lolo | 2008/07/25

If your relationship is starting to fail and both parties have the motivation to save it, then DO something about it.

Often a meeting with a relationship counsellor can really help. These might get bad press from comedy conselling sessions in movies and so on but they really can help both parties to talk to each other and discuss issues that left alone they just would skirt around and not confront.

If your relationship is worth saving then do something positive today and make an appointment to see someone, or at the very least ' book'  some time with your partner for some quiet time together to discuss your differences and see if you can find what is causing the conflict and then what could be done to overcome the problem.

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Posted by: lisa | 2008/07/25

do that,take a break, only that will determine whether he' s fo ryou or not, u cant avoid certain things coz u think its gonna break u guys up, f it needs to happen it will happen,the only regeret u will have is not giving ur self time a break wen u needed one and that u wasted time on a selfish person,

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