Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/01


Please advise. Is it normal if you let your family know what is happening in a relationship between two people. I am in a relationship whereby when we have problems or arguments myh girlfriend lets her mother know about it and has confronted her on the issue and the answer I get is she is a woman and she confides in her mother. So far I so not know what she has said to her but believe by doing so her mother will have a negative attitude towards me. I asked her should we have problems no matter how big we should sort them out between ourselves. What also bothers me is that I am the one who all the time has to initiate the talking about our problems. Fear this will cause our relationship to fail.

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Our expert says:
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"Normal" is not a useful word, Some families do, some families don't. And when they know because you want them to know, that's fine. When thy know because they spy, gossip or interfere, that's not OK>
Saying" I"m a woman" is a pathetic response and no excuse at all. Women behave in a wide variety of ways, as do men, and being female does not compel her to tell everything to her mother. See a relatonship counsellor together and work out a better way of handling problems --- tattling to someone else is not a useful way to sort out problems.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Egg | 2009/06/01

Women do that and it is a BIG mistake. They might give you the advise which may seem right but at the end of the day it is her daughter and the advise would be in favour of her daughter and not in favour of the relationship. And as you say regarding her attitude towards you. That will change negatively based on the fact that her daughter is actually complaining about you to her. So she will react to her natural instinct as a mother and come to the defence of her daughter. So I would not recommend it as a good thing. If the two of you are in a long relationship it is better to discuss the problem with the partners parent/mother. She must rather speak to your mom about the issues regarding you because your mother knows you and can give her better advise regarding the issue that is being discussed.

Reply to Egg
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/01

Us woman do that. We either talk to our mother, sister or a girlfriend. She needs (we need?) to get imput from that side or another side that' s not hers or yours.

Im mature and have learnt that they just hold it against you as well as agaist the man so im careful what I tell, she has just not learnt that yet.

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