Posted by: Monty | 2004/11/09


I am a 32 years old woman who was rapped at the age of 25 and since then I hate man.

I have this man who used to help me financially when I was at school. Although he is a married man I have feeling for him only. I am getting old and still a virgin what do I so to help myself to love and be loved.

I am so damn frustrated I cry to sleep everyday because my sisters are now also aware that I dont have somebody.

What do I do.

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Our expert says:
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See a counsellor, You really need that sort of expert and personal opportunity to talk through this, free yourself from bonds to the ugly things that happened in the past, and make wise decisions about your future. It's not your fault that you don't have a friend right now, especially after what happened to you, but this situation could change if you would aloow it to do so. And I like HotStepper's suggestion of some self0defense classes, not only to help you to feel safer, but more assertive and self-confident, too.

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Our users say:
Posted by: HotStepper | 2004/11/09

I feel for you Monty. It's hard to be lonely, and even harder when you hate men like you do.
Well, if you've been raped then you're not a virgin, you're just not currently sexually active.
You will definitely need to see a councellor / psychologist about learning to trust again, and then you can start to love.
Also, I would recommend that you take a self-defense class for women, they teach you basic techniques to get away from a dangerous situation, so in future, if any man tries to hurt you again - you will be in a much better position to defend your precious self, and get away.
It's going to be a long learning process, but try to apporach it as a challenge - and measure your success for YOURSELF. I also have taunting sisters, and it's not fun. Do not do this for them - do this for you, it is your life and you deserve to enjoy it completely and with someone who will love you richly.
All the best on your journey... remember the journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step.... call a counsellor.
Good luck, precious one. You'll be in my thoughts.

Reply to HotStepper
Posted by: pola | 2004/11/09

how can u still be a virgin while you say you were raped.?

Reply to pola
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/09

Sisi, u need to go 4 counselling urgently, that will help you a lot. I dont think that u are a virgin after the rape, bstart thinking positive about life and appreciate and be proud of urselfut i do understand that u need someone u can share ur life with.

Just take one step at a time, and Try think positive about life and urself and the future. Be proud of urself and dont let pressure of having someone get into u as u might end up making wrong choices and hurt more. Love and appreciate urself and in that way u will know the kind of man u want.

All the best

Reply to Zee

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