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Question
Posted by: CR | 2004/10/05

Relationship

How do you know if you no longer want to be with sum1? How do you know its not just a phase one goes through that ever1 goes through sum time or another?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

Hey CR,

Don't be so serious about all this, ok, maybe a little. Just enough so that it drives you to talk to him. I have found that you girls sometimes think you are over-weight when us guys think you are just perfect.
You have all these questions that seem to have you in a turmoil, but have you noticed that only one person can truly answer them. We each are different & so being we want different things, & behave differently. If is reasonbale to hope that your better half respects this in you, & is able to accpet you for the person you are.
As you say, you seem to think he is the one, so everything else aside, can you see yourself being with him when you're much older?
It is very important you discuss these issues with him. I have found that being open with your partner allows you the feeling of knowing more or less where you stand.

Let me know how it goes.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: CR | 2004/10/05

Do you think if I could be more secure with myself that I would feel more secure about him? I'm really trying very hard to feel better about myself. I've started a healthy diet and I've set myself sum pretty tough goals but I think I will be able to do it. I know i'm not overly ugly but I just need to lose sum weight. But my selfesteem is lower than low, and I think thats why I feel so insecure bout him. I'm so scared that he will find sum1 who he finds much more appealing. Do you think I will be able to make things better between us when I've made things better with myself or do you think it will take much more than that?

Reply to CR
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

There is also a previous posting that's titled "Appreciate Your Partner" that might be of benefit to you. Has a few ideas on the otherside perspective...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

Hi CR,

Sometimes we get comfortable in a relationship but that doesn't mean you feel any less about each other. That said you should look at your reasons for feeling insecure, & also why you feel you are 'bitchy' to him sometimes.
You know the saying: Be careful what you wish for, for it might just come true.
There is always a chance to put the spark back if both parties are willing.
Take time to discuss your feelings with him, what you are going through, how much he means to you. You wouldn't want it to have ended because of something you or he didn't know, so talk to him. Sometimes the tension has the tendency to add more stress to a realtionship.
If you feel you need to get the assistance to do things right, then by all means seek out a shrink that would help you get through this, or even handle this the correct way.
Don't depsair, if there isn't really a reason to...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: CK | 2004/10/05

Can you give me any advise on how I can make things better? How I can put the spark back into our relationship? I'm prepared to do anything.

Reply to CK
Posted by: CR | 2004/10/05

A choice to be in this relationship or to be alone.
Every time I think about how my life will be without him I want to cry cos I can't imagine what my life will be without him. I know this sounds stupid, but deep down inside I know he is the right man for me. Not becos of this or that but becos he understands me in a way that no other man has done ever before.
But I don't know if he loves me anymore. I think he doesn't love me anymore or he has lost interest cos sumtimes I'm a real bitch, even though I try so hard not to be. How will I know if he doesn't love me anymore? I've tried so hard to be the perfect partner but I'm a very insecure person and it makes it so much harder.
Please don't think I feel sorry for myself cos I don't. I know that if things doesn't work out it is going to be my fault.

Reply to CR
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

Hey CR,

You mention choice, what might I ask does this entail?
Also, consider if what you feel is not just attachment, as opposed to love.
What has brought you to this dilemna?

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: CR | 2004/10/05

I love him very, very much. But I don't know if I'm just scared of being alone or scared that I may not cope. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do or to think any more. I'm so scared to make the wrong choice.

Reply to CR
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

Hi CR,

As difficult as this may be, I'm sure each person will have a very different opinion of signs that it may be over.
Mine would be when you become uncomfortable in the relationship, don't respect each other much, or there is an element on mis-trust, without any need from both sides to re-kindle the relationship, then it may very well be time to close that book & try to start reading another.

Just my 2 cents worth...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: concerned | 2004/10/05

If there is no longer connection between the two of you. ANd the best thing is to be honest with yourself and let him/her know how u feel and end it in a good way.

Reply to concerned

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