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Posted by: Anon | 2007/08/09

Rejected

I have struggled wth depression for quite a few yrs and have been lucky to have a supportive family. My husband tho, has decided to place his interests elsewhere to the effect that it is almost an obssession. I am a "sports" widow. I know it could be worse, another woman or an unhealthy passion, but its really just as bad. My self esteem is below zero. Even tho it feels like he just "puts up with me" he still watches everything that I do - like reading the messages I post on this site. He will do anything to help around the house or help with the family but he's just "not here". I really don't know how to cope. I do have therapy on a regular basis but its not helping.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

His involvement in sports surely doesn't help your low self-esteem --- but get into proper CBT counselling, and improve your self-esteem, and you'll become less depressed and more assertive and interesting, and he'll have a good reason to return to spending more time with you. When you get depressed, it can frankly be depressing to spend time with you, and it sounds as though he is being concerned in a more indirect but none the less sincere way. If therapy has been going on for some time and isn't helping, switch therapists. If it is anything but CBT ( especially if its of the useless analytic model ) swtich for sure to CBT and effective, rather than continuing with endless pointless waffling

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Our users say:
Posted by: hope | 2007/08/09

depression takes so much of ourselves away, and your husband just wants back the person he fell in love with. You should be glad that he is staying home and helping you and concerned about your well being. However depression is affecting him as well. He might wonder why he can't do enough to help you. So him having his own ecscape, watching sports, can be theraputic for him. It gives him something to feel excited about. I'm sure that he worries alot and feels stress, so it's good for him to occupy his mind in sports, and become trans like so that his worries don't overcome him. You are lucky to have a man to love you as much as he appears to. Work at finding yourself and enjoying time together. He would love to have you back.

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