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Posted by: J | 2004/12/02

Re:I did not ask him to leave

Hi Doc

No, he did not leave the session because of the counsellor. He was actually agreeing with her! I guess there was a language problem involved, too.(Btw, I was the one looking for a French counsellor to assist him with individual counselling.) He actually left our home and that 1.5 weeks since our session. I cancelled the next session, not because I should have (based on the fact that she was biased), but rather due to other commitments. I could not voice my opinion, because I was enjoying having someone on my side.Totally wrong, I know (a bit too late!).
Nevertheless, I contacted him so we can settle.But he dropped a rather devastating bomb: he is leaving to work overseas!!! And this as soon as two weeks from now!!! Of course, I got all emotional, because I could not absorb all of it rationally.
It is now three hours later since I have contacted him to let him know that we must talk.He is , obviously, not interested in how I feel about everything.

So once again, I will be alone with the bottle and my fear of the dark. He has been the one who has made me the victor of this fear and so shall he be the creator my downfall!



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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Aah, the French counsellor issue ! It's far from "totally wrong" to enjoy having someone on your side at last ! Anyone would appreciate that. But it is a more sophisticated judgement to realize that bias, rather than an appreciation of the greater degree of rightness of one partner compared to another, can hamper therapy.
Sounds like he is running away from the problem, choosing not to face any real aspects of it. He's overlooking the fact that the first thing he'll unavoidably unpack when he reaches his overseas new job, is his bundle of heartaches and unresolved issues ; and he'll probably have less support and resources there, to deal with it.
But your priority must be to look after yourself. NO to the botle. See a srink and conquer that fear of the dark --- he may have facilitated your earlier progress, but YOU made that progress, and can do it, and more, again. He was partly a coach, you it was who were the victor and can be again. Don't allow yourself to indulge in another downfall, as a negative memorial to his loss --- show him, as he will learn in time, how successful you can be on your own, with apporpirtae aid for a time from a local shrink, just for yourself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dude | 2004/12/03

Hi,

Sorry to hear bout ur situation... jsut a note that rowed my boat a bit though... u gave this guy credit for stuff that u though he did for u but u really did it for urself...a bit of motivation/distractions help somewhat but the act is done by u and u alone so if u choose the fear/bottle it's ur choice.... cause u have the power to overcome it...

if the dude does not want to talk etc then he is not worth waistin any more time on either... gain closure for urself and move on to new places, different faces that respect and cherish urs

Cheers
Dude

Reply to Dude
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/03

J,

Thats quite a bomb he dropped on you, and i cant even imagine how you must be feeling right now. I feel totally clueless at this point in time, i cant believe it. Really wouldn't he want to get a divorce before he leaves or atleast come to some sort of decision??

Any way J, be strong. We are all here to help you along the way.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS

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