Posted by: blackbird | 2004/10/28


just a question, maybe very stupid, but sometimes i deerly regret things i have done in my life, and now i'm not talking like things i did 6 months ago or so, but real long term, far back in the past things, and it runs over me like a real bad wave, and i shiver and and. dont quite know how to describe the feeling. and then i tell myself to just forget it, cause whats done is done and can not be undone, but those regrets will always came back to haunt me.

anybody else got this "feeling" aswell and what do you's do to get "over" it ....

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Our expert says:
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Perceptive and valid question, bb. We often talk herre about "forgiveness" of others, but maybe now you're talking of something which needs to involve forgiveness of ourselves ? I'm sure many other intelligent and perceptive people feel what you describe, and of course counselling is one way to deal with it. And on one's own, maybe the need is to focus not on what we can't undo, but on what lessons we can learn from it, so we can avoid doing it again in the future ? Once we've learned those positive and preventive lessons, we should bury that bit of the bitter past ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/10/29

hi there

i think when we can look back at a mistake we make and we can see the lesson that we were meant to learn and we did learn it then we don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as lessons passed

i got pregnant and decided to marry the guy - that was something i new was a mistake and i felt bad about being so foolish - but today i wouldn't trade my kids for the world and i survived the marriage - i've become a better and stronger person

thats when it all becomes " the good old days"


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/10/29


Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/29

Hey BB,

Firstly, this is not a stupid question!!!
As you can see from above, almost everyone of us have these type of regrets, & yes I do feel they have the capability of adding to one's state of depression.
I'm not saying it always works, but when they really start bothering me, I try to rationalise if I can actually go back & make any difference to the situation at all. If I really can't make any difference, then it sometimes does bother me that maybe I could've acted/behaved differently, or regret that I don't have the opportunity of correcting my regrets.
If I can go back to try make a difference, then I do, coz when I think about it again, there's is also the thought that I did try to rectify the situation as well so there might be nothing further I can do about it...

Just my thoughts BB, hope they are able to help you...


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Paul | 2004/10/29

All of the above is correct, you will never let it go before you forgive yourself.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Straycat | 2004/10/28

Your only human. Everybody has those thoughts. Sometimes you think ..or wake up in the morning and think... I cant believe I did that... Yes cold shivers....

Basically, So what ! .. you probably gonna do some other crazy stuff.. somewhere along the line.. And then you'll have to deal with that.... If you did'nt have some regret... I think it might be a bit scary...

They are only life experiences, you've learnt from..
Take it easy bru :)

Reply to Straycat
Posted by: BC | 2004/10/28

ya, I have that kinda fellings sometimes as well, but u dont just get depressed & forget about it???
u learn from it pal, I mean really change ur attitudes so that u wont do it again.

Reply to BC
Posted by: TW | 2004/10/28

Its normal , we do things we regret...

it all depends if we choose to focus on them and feel down or move on and learn from our bad experiences...

leave the past in the past and focus on your bright future :)

Reply to TW
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/28

Hi blackbird,
I think we all have regrets and it is does make your blood run cold but there is nothing as you said one can do to change it. I have many a regret but have learnt that it is there, I just haven't accepted some yet but know I need to and need to make peace with it in myself, so that is what I think you need to do, look at it objectively and know in your heart that is was a different time, maybe even a different you, a moment that you cannot change and leave it at that.
(Hope this makes some sense) - Regrets are normal thing of live and a wave of feelings of regret are normal too, it is not a feeling one can describe.
Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/10/28

Maybe you should listen to Frankie - what he says in his song "My Way".

Reply to Kernel

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