Posted by: Kelly | 2009/06/15

RE.Expressing emotions


I also have this problem.
It really affects me in my relationships and I have tried to overcome this but it always gets in the way.
My bf asked me a while back why I love him?He says he know I love him, I show it to him, he feels it but he does not know if I' m sure about it because I cannot tell him why I love him...

I cannot explain to him why I love him, I mean I feel that I love him in my heart, I love being with him, he makes me happy and yet he makes me sad.He makes me laugh yet he makes me cry...
I' ve told him that I love him because he makes me happy and I love being with him but he says anyone can say that and he always tells me why he loves me but I cannot tell him.

I' m not the most expressive person around, I realize I got it from my mother. Is it fair for me to say I got it from her? I mean I' ve learnt how to communicate my feelings from her.
For example when she' s angry she would not speak to you, this could last for days, weeks , months, even years ... as my dear brother has learnt.

I try not to be like her but then without even thinking do what she would do.I know it' s not to my advantage but still I act / react the way she would.

How do I change this as I do not want to become like her?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Love doesn't need to give reasons --- it is not something you work out on your pocket calculator and love according to the result. And love generally means not demanding reasons, either. Right here in your message you have excellently described how you love him --- that is the answer.
I suspect the answer may lie, NOT in you having any peculiar inability to answer his questions, but in his inability to accept and feel happy with the answers you give him. Does he explain WHY he loves you, any better than you have ?
What you describe in your mother is a tactic, probably learned from her own mother --- sulking. It hurts everyone and never solves anything.
If you want to change the pattern of automatic thoughts and reactions and behaviours which trouble you, see a good CBT therapist and work on this --- it can be achieved.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: sasha | 2009/06/16

I was in a really abusive relationship that ended about one and a half years ago.
By abusive i mean emotionally abusive.
I am currently struggling with the feelings of inadequacy and blame in that i really wonder why the abuse was done to me.
Further, i am struggling with the thoughts of this person i used to date and what he did in exact.
I really do not know what to do considering that i feel as if this is turning into an obsessive thought  i cant even sleep peacefully.
How do i forget and move past all this feelings and memories?

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