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Posted by: kew | 2004/01/22

Re:Dont want to leave me alone

Me and this guy have been dating for 5 years.In this 5 years he actually never had time for me.It was always playing soccer and after the games he will go and party with friends
and when i want to drop him he want to spend all the time that he has with me.Whe are apart for a few months.I do have alot of friends and they always come and pick me up to go out but when he finds out i am going out he comes there just before i leave and he will sit there even if my friends come he wont leave then i must cancell whatever i have planned.Please help me he dont want to leave me alone he always interfere in my life......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Kew,
I agree with J, stop this pattern promptly. When you have made other plans --- keep them. Tell him you have made them and are going out, and ask him to please leave so you can lock up properly. He sounds like the sort of guy who never appreciates what he has, until he doesn't have it --- and when he gets it, he doesn't know what to do with it. That promise to his late father isn't binding, and was never binding on you. Like soul, I think it sounds as if you're still making excuses for his lousy behaviour, though whether out of fondness for him ( I haven't yet heard what's worth being fond of ) or out of fondness for his dad, isn't clear.

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Our users say:
Posted by: R | 2004/01/22

I think you need to do a thorough soul searching. I do not think you are over him. You still find reasons to justify why you are not chasing him away.

Reply to R
Posted by: J | 2004/01/22

Do you think he considers how rude he is being by just arriving at your house and making you cancel previous plans? I agree with Kew - you need to decide what you want. You cannot complain about his behaviour and then excuse it. You'll only have yourself to blame if you're miserable with the situation because it is changable - you just have to do it.

Reply to J
Posted by: Soul | 2004/01/22

Kew

In my mails I have only stated in a different way of everything you have said.
You are the saying that he doesn't want to leave you alone and that his interfering in your life. Now you got one of 2 choices you can chug alone in this rut that you're in with him or you can be firm and tell him his no longer welcome in your life and that it's time to move on.

Now if you think that's being rude then so be it. But the nicer you are to him the more mixed signals his going to get and his not going to leave you alone.
To my mind you have got no idea of what you want, you want him out but you defend him all the time make up your mind.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: kew | 2004/01/22

YEs i am over him but i just dont want to be rude just to chuck him out of my place.

Reply to kew
Posted by: Soul | 2004/01/22

Hi Kew

It's not right for his late father to make him promise that he'll marry you, so in that regard it was unfair. It would have been better for him to decide whether or not he wanted to marry you or not, regardless of your relationship with his late father.

Your not answering my question are you over him, cause you don't sound like it infact it sounds to me like your making excuses for him.

Soul

Reply to Soul
Posted by: kew | 2004/01/22

Yes i did.You see the time when whe were still together hes father made him promise that he will marry me. Hes father was very fond of me and i of him.Whe were like father and daughter.He fahter died a few months year ago.I dont want to be nasty to just chase him away.

Reply to kew
Posted by: Soul | 2004/01/22

Hi Kew

I agree with J, that's exactly what he wants. You need to tell him his not welcome there anymore, infact don't even open the door for him. He will continue to do this for as long as you allow it to happen.

I have a question for you, since you allow all this are you sure you have actually ended things between you, are you really over him?

All the best
Soul

Reply to Soul
Posted by: J | 2004/01/22

He only interferes because you allow him to. Tell him to get lost and if he should come to your house and "just sit" when you want to go out get someone to help you remove him - and then go out. Cancelling your plans is exactly what he wants you to do.

Reply to J

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