Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/14

Really tired now.

I am so exhausted now it is just not funny. As expected, he came home in full battle gear. In all our married life, this is only the second time that I have stood up to him. The first time was when he physically threatened me, and that has never happened again. I have always just let him rant and rave and have his tantrums. No more. I am not a fighter by nature and would rather walk away or ignore him than confront him. Maybe that has been my biggest mistake so far. I have let him get away with it for the sake of peace. But standing up to him tonight and worrying about the fact that my son might overhear or come down and see us having such a bad argument has taken everything out of me. I am physically drained and mentally strained.

They have gone off to karate now and I plan to have their supper ready for them when they get back and then I am going to have a nice hot bubble bath.

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Our expert says:
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Seems like a sound plan !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Delene | 2005/12/15

Yes, conflict can be healthy & to just take, take, take is so not good.
He can only do to you what you allow him to do.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/15

Sometimes you have to just stand up for yourself, stand up against what you have tolerated and accepted for so long. And not just to let the other person know you have a back bone, but to actually give yourself the confidence boost you need. Its not always standing up against him per se, its standing upi for yourself that is more important.

And whatever his response is actually of no importance, its how you feel about yourslf thast is important. Eventually he will see how you value yourself, and this may actually change his attitude. Its earning the respect you deserve.

I can imagine how drained you must feel, conflict drains us th emost when we are not conflict type people.

Hang in there...

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Liz123 | 2005/12/15

Good on you Frusty!! My biggest mistake was to always keep quite, to keep the peace - i hate conflict - even today, but come to think of it, it was proberbly the downfall of my marraige, after 23 years. It was quite a shock to the kids and all that knew us - the so called "perfect" marraige!!, falling apart. We should all attend courses on conflict managment - i think conflict, in all aspects, can be healhty.

Reply to Liz123
Posted by: fin/ex | 2005/12/15

hey frusty
hope the night turned out better than it started and that you had a magic bubble bath
jakes - what can i say. good luck mate. hope it turns out just as you hope
you know ....sometimes i think being on ones own may be the easier option...
sleep tight

Reply to fin/ex
Posted by: Jakes | 2005/12/14

Hey - tis bad to feel like this. Totally drained. My heart goes out to u and i understand.

I can also hardly keep my eyes open. Will report tomorrow as how the meeting went, but for now S is going with. We were asked to agree to certain groundrules. So there we are.

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