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Posted by: Jk | 2004/11/08

really need some advice!

I really dont know what to do and i'm hoping to get some advice. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years now. (i'm 21 and so is he) and we live together. the problem is that he has a anger problem. when something goes wrong, big or small, he'll freak out and it's usually at me. he's never hit me, but it's the hurtfull things he says to me that get me down. for instance i drive his car to work and this morning it didn't want to start so i phoned him to ask him what i should do and he freaked out a me, saying stuff like what is he supposed to do and i musn't phone him with my problems ect and i'm ruining his life, and really hurts me. and this has happened soooo many times!!! then an hour later he'll phone and say how sorry he is and how much he loves me.and each time i forgive him. i'm so confused??? i dont know if i should leave him, am i being stupid here, am i doing something wrong??? please i need some advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Does he realize that he has a problem ? If so, Anger Management copunselling from a shrink copuld help. If not, leave him. Sounds like he's at the end of his tether, maybe very stressed at work, and can't take any other stresses or worries. Stop forgiving him for his bad manners and unkindness, and put your foot down --- either he sees a shrink and learns how to stop this, or he rages at someone else, not you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jk | 2004/11/08

thank you so much for all your advice, i will do what CS suggested and see how it goes.

Reply to Jk
Posted by: Paul | 2004/11/08

Hells teeth, you are 21 years old and already living like this. The reason he keeps verbally abusing you is because you forgive him time and time again. If he is serious about having his problem sorted he would get the professional help it warrants.

Stop forgiving him, take action and put the ball in his court.

Good luck.

Paul.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/08

Hi Jk,

Do you know the saying "familiarity breeds contempt"?

I'm not saying he maybe be upset with you but sometimes a little time apart does wonders. I would say that he may need some counselling though. As he seems to have an avenue in taking out his frustrations on you, & he very well may need to find another outlet, or take control of his anger before it becomes too late.
I can relate to him in a way. We seem to only be able to take out our anger on those that are really close to us, coz we kinda expect our loved ones to understand us to a degree that they should know better. Know that this is no fault of yours, but something we really need to get a hold of.
I don't know how you will be able to suggest to him to seek counselling, but I would strongly suggest that he does. Maybe CS has a solution to this effect.

Again Jk, I will tell you that this is not because you are doing anything wrong, he may just be indirectly expecting too much of you.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Future advice | 2004/11/08

Hi there...

You need to do some thinking here...
Sounds to me like he has some big issues he needs to solve here...its very worng the way he is treating you. Just by what you said about the car trouble - gosh thats not the kind of man you want to spend your life with ???

You need someone who is kind and lovely and treats you like a princess not taking out all his troubles on you!

Esp if you guys have talked about a future together (marraige) he needs to go get some counsillling to control that temper...who knows maybe he will hit you one day and who dont want to already be married to the guy with kids ect - thats not cool.

You need to talk to him and let him know how this hurts you ...

Reply to Future advice

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