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Question
Posted by: lonely | 2003/03/04

REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE

im a girl, im 21 years, i have a boyfriend he is 21 too,we ahve been going out since 2000 but thing got ugly when i started to go to varsity last year cause now im not with him all the we are hunder miles apart , our promble started when i ask to visit my friend in kimberly, he didn't want me to go there then i didn't but when i got home on the holidays he dumped just because i wanted to go there he what if i went without him knowing he called realy dirty name like slut - etc then even tough i did nothing i begged for his forgiveness cause i didn't want to losse him then everything was ok

then one friday he came to my flat early in the moring saying he is visiting for hte weekend but the problem was i had to go and see my parents my mother was sick he got so angry after begging me not go but i refussed again he called me but this time he went over board and hit me on my face till i drew blood from my nose.

then after fiasco we took a break then he came back again and asked me to forgive him i did cause i don't know wether its because of love or for or i don't wanna break the promises that we made to each other i really him,we suppose to get married but my parents could it of know i don't how i really fell about this person cause he doesn't call any more we are just out of conversetion when we are apart but when we see each other we both act like we really love each other

then now i really don't know how i fell do i love him or what and there other thing his family loves me very maybe i don't wanna let him go because of them im afraid of disappointing them

i really don't know .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Lonely, I don't like the idea of your feeling you had to beg him for forgiveness, when you had done nothing wrong. Then, maybe it was a single act, but he showed abusive and violent jealousy, again as a gross over-reaction to a minor matter that a mature man wouldn't have caused any scene about.
It often happens when one falls in like, or even in love, with someone when one is young, that you grow apart as your lives develop in different directions. Staying with someone you have less and less in common with, and who seems to show excessive possessiveness and jealousy, and an unwholesome desire to control your choices and actions, is usually a really bad idea. "Disappointing" him, or his, or your family, is a tiny matter by comparison to getting you both tied into an unloving, conflicted, and miserable marriage. You could still remain friends with him, and with his family. But don't even dream of marriage , with anyone, until you are satisfied that you have truly got to know each other, during times of stress as well as times of calm, and that your love for each other is free, unselfish, and comfortable in the long run.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lonely | 2003/03/05

thank u guys for ur advice it really meant alot to me thanku

Reply to lonely
Posted by: HElp | 2003/03/04

Hi Lonely.

Please if i can help with advise and if you need someone to talk to email me at taxaswalker@yahoo.com

Let me start by saying, i am a man, and if a man hits a women once in hi slife, he will probably do it again. Secondly, now man with the right moral values will call a lady a slut, cause if thats what he is thinking of you, then he really doesnt love you, but raher sees you as an object.

Dont think of dissapointing his family, cuase you must come first, not others, your luck and hapiness is what its all about. There are real men out there that i believe will treat you with respect. I know its hard when you love someone, but does that give them the right to treat you like dirt ? No it doesnt, you are entitled to luck, hapiness, and love. If he was a real man, he would come and hit another man, but not a women.

And one other thing a learnt long ago, your friends must be important to you, but also to him, visiting them doesnt make you a slut, it makes you loyal, and if i were him, i would rather know that i can trust my GF for being loyal one day, than accusing her of being a slut.

I f you really feel that you want to make things work with him, go fir it, but once you realise that you deserve better, thats when you will feel real happiness in your heart.

Good luck, like i said, mail if you want to talk, but trut your mind in conjuction with your heart not the one without the other.

Reply to HElp

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