Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/12/21

Reality and Truth

this life - hurts
"i want to be with you"............
my answer " but you never have time for me"
"well lets work on that."
me " this is a waste"
"you're playing hard to get"
me: no - I just dont want to get hurt again - I cant survive that again" nearly crying " but I still love you"
" I know you do" ( too much confidence)
me: this is too hard for me - I cannot do this!
"Just give it time"

then things go great for two weeks.......

but alas

The heart wrenching dissapointment hits when he lets me and my family down..... does not pitch or even call - special occassion nearly ruined - family made the day for me.... or tried at least
I am left in tears, I want to die and rip my heart out of my chest - I
am mad as hell that I have let you back into my life, into my heart - how could I let myself belive that you were genuine and true - well you were for the little time that you kept your promises and showed up on time, now I dont know what to believe - did all this truly happen.
I cannot begin to explain what is going on inside - all I can say is why????? why
I feel tormented - I have not allowed you power over me - I just let you in AGAIN - I hate myself for that - why am I such a fool - it was after all only a matter of time.
I feel numb and i cant even cry I wish you well - but pls tell me why you seem to enjoy hurting me the way you do. Do you care that little?
I am tired

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello juz,
Please don't be so very hard on yourself. So he behaved like a crumb --- that's no reason for any self-directed aggression on your part. You decided, with some trepidation, to give him a second chance, and he blew it. HE blew it, not you. he good times showed that he is capable of doing this, but maybe not for long enough at a stretch, to deserve your continuing attention to him. Maybe it's not that he enjoys hurting you, but that he's thoughtless and dim about emotional issues, and doesn't realize that such actions of his will be so hurtful.
And now I must try to rid myself of the image of Dude in a latex suit !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Tash | 2004/12/21

Hi Juz
I know how u feeling girl. It takes us so long to trust and give them our hearts and all they can do is tramp all over it and throw it back. They dont respect us they dont care. I feel like I wanna crawl into a hole and just die

Reply to Tash
Posted by: Dude | 2004/12/21

umm.. u gave him...f rikken typin at lightnin speed here... u gave me no power... u gave HIM no ....

buzz light year u got nothin on me...e xcept that frikken sexy latex suit... i look beta naked anyway so go back to family channel but head... buzz buzz off... get out of my head u buzz mainia mad man!

Reply to Dude
Posted by: Dude | 2004/12/21

Hi there...

really shyte news cause u so special, if the guy has let u down again then i guess he is twice as dumb ass as what one would expect...

times are hard and in some ways they will get harder, this experience can only make u stronger... don't give in to al the pain, find somethin to entertain ur brain, distractions gettin out... movin around and shakin ur body about, chat with friends and family, hang with people that love u, let the rest b...

there are no answers to the Y's ... let ur feelins flow, get angry sad and all that other stuff u already know... it's a progressive step forward that u have already begun a journey to independant happiness, u said u gave me no power but opened up the door to ur heart... sorry sweet ... some people don't understand that that's really special... but then those people wont b let in again... just hang in there babes u'll see the sunshine through the rain...

best wishes

Reply to Dude
Posted by: Q | 2004/12/21

Hi Juzlizen,

Eina!!!!! Sounds if this guy has really gone and did it this time!!! Has he given you a reason why he did not pitch???? It is importand to look at his side, but yes not phoning was bad!!!! I dont know girl but you knew what he did and you desided to give him another chance now you need to let him know that it is not exceptable that he did what he did and if he does ithis again that he should not even bother calling you again and if you are at that point you need to make the brake because you deserve much more than you are getting now, girl you are spesial and if this guy cant see this it is his los and he will be the looser!!! best of luck girl I know it hurts like hell but believe me when I say that your pain will turn into joy!!!! Just time thats all!!!!!! best of luck and remember you are spesial girl!!!!

Reply to Q

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