Our expert says:
Please don't be so very hard on yourself. So he behaved like a crumb --- that's no reason for any self-directed aggression on your part. You decided, with some trepidation, to give him a second chance, and he blew it. HE blew it, not you. he good times showed that he is capable of doing this, but maybe not for long enough at a stretch, to deserve your continuing attention to him. Maybe it's not that he enjoys hurting you, but that he's thoughtless and dim about emotional issues, and doesn't realize that such actions of his will be so hurtful.
And now I must try to rid myself of the image of Dude in a latex suit !
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