Posted by: Me | 2009/08/16


I just hate not being in control of my life!Yes i think im depressed a bit(and its all to do with my marriage.I told my Gynae,i thought it was PND(my little girl was then 18 mnths.He said he nows me,and its not!!!But gave me Venlor,then i had trouble urinating(wee-wee,LOL),saw myself running to the Dr for a catheter.So, i read up,and saw thats a side effect!So,i stopped it.
Yes ,middle east contracts pays good.But he doesnt really want to go,i have to motivate him,because theres no other income,we decided 2 years ago we will do this for 3-4 years.Just to have something in life.To give the kids an education,and buy us security for old age.I think its more me thats releived that he is htere and not here at the moment.He was here for 6 mnths now,in that time he and i went for therapy.Even though it helped with his anger issues,it did notr help me overcome my feelings of hurt and loss over what could have been.( i was so happy in the first year of our marriage)He`s past gender issues is more of an issue for me at the moment i think as for him.I cant get over the images.Its in my head and effects the way i think about our intamacy.(we have no trouble in the bedroom,never had).But because of his lies and his resent verbal abuse towards me and the kids i cant bring myself to " approach"  him.He thinks im cold,but im not,i just have this wall around me.I give all my love to my kids.
I really dont think he persue his gender issue in the middle east.He only takes a bakcpack,and they work in the middle of nowhere.He`s got a roommate from SA.I was just thinking the last few mnths that theres no feelings of love in my for him anymore.

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Our expert says:
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Yes, though Venlor helps some folks well with depression, it has the possibility which some of the older antidepressants had, of interfering with one's freedom to wee. I understand the important issue about a well-paying job providing some needed security for you all.
Cross-dressing and similar gender issues are curious, and indeed the individual often doesn't quite see what the fuss is about. They lie and hide it because they know OTHER people, especially their wife, will find it upsetting. It occurs mainly in otherwise normal heterosexual men, who have no other oddities. Their wives often have a problem feeling that it's somehow their fault, or somehow indicates a lack in their sexual charms, when actually it's no such thing. These guys fully appreciate their wives. There may even be an odd element of tribute in their feeling comfortable in a feminine role.
The anger episodes have probably done the most harm, with you walling yourself up emotionally to try to protect yourself from further emotional hurt. A problem is that one may also be walling oneself up in such a way as to keep out the love and affection one needs, too. Perhaps discovering the gender stuff, and the perhaps unrelated aggression, so shocked you ( finding out he wasn't exactly who you thought he was ) that you have stifled affection in this way to try to protect yourself, even if it partly might "protect" you agains something you also need

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