Posted by: CMP | 2007/12/07

Re Post 1491/1516

Re 15 year old, his mom is unable to help him and he looks to me as part of his family, given that his mom has been with my family for 26 years I feel that trying to get her son to improve his status is my responsibility, I do not want him to end up living in a tin shack when I know that he deserves more and when I know that he is capable of so much.

I am also nervous about how his attitude will affect my son, they spend a lot of time together because my parents look after my children while hubby and I work.

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Our expert says:
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Maybe his mom is limited in the extent to which she can help him financially, but why can't she mother him effectively ? Advise, discipline, whatever ? And surely he deserves what he makes for himself in life, not to sit on his bottom waiting for a rich and happy life to fall into his lap ? His lackadaisical attitude could well affect your son.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/07

I don't think his attitude is that unusual for a 15 year old. How about some shock tactics. Go show him a squatter camp, compare it to the house he lives in now. Make it quite clear to him and his mum that you will not keep on supporting him past his 18th birthday, and the support will stop sooner if he fails at school.

I'm very involved with a teenager at our local Children's Home, so I understand to some extent the frustrations you have. But I have learnt that one cannot save someone who cannot be saved.

I'm still concerned about the possibility that he has learning problems. Could you talk to his teachers about it? And perhaps tell the mom that you are not going to shell out for extra classes etc. if she doesn't want you to get him tested, as it is a waste of your money.

Depending on what your setup is I also think he should do chores around the place, as should your son. Nobody should just get something for nothing.

Good luck

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