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Question
Posted by: KMR | 2005/07/01

RE: My child

I lost it eventually and told my mom, she must take the child with her, I dont care anymore. She then was acting cool and asking me what is the big deal. I told her that I dont have problems with her wanting to take the child with her, the reason why I requested that she stays for the weekend, is that for the whole week I was working, I leave at 6:30 come back at 18:00, so I never really spent enough time with her. I told her what I hated was the comments she passed that "I AM SICK" and "I AM DOING THIS FOR MY BF". I tried to explain my position, but instead of understanding me she passes such comments. She defended herself by saying I am too hypersensetive, and how could I overreact to such a small thing. She then apologises.

After that she then phones my dad and tells him that I am making an issue out of nothing, and its very clear that I want my child back and they should just give her back. This is one huge guilt trip, I never said that, I only asked for the baby to stay for the weekend. My father then phones asking whats happening and basically making it as if I am wrong, yet they'll compromise from their side and let the baby stay!!. My mom then tells my sister that I am sick and seems to be emotionally immature and I have problems, How can I overreact like this.... and that he never knew this side of me. My question now, is why the hell did she apologise. Aparantlly she just up and left for home, and she is very stressed and angry. She left the baby and has vowed to give her up!!

Really guys, WAS I WRONG!! I did not ever say I want the child back, I just asked for her to spend time with me this weekend and she made such a huge issue about it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

They are both being over-critical and belitling you, and probably have coninced themselves that they are right and that everything they are doing is for your own good and that of the child, even if they are wrong. I don't think you were wrong, but reasonable. Purple states the situation very well. maybe child welfare could help you, to plan for the child to liv with you,

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SB | 2005/07/01

I know what you are going through, I left my child with my mother and I was wanting to build a career etc. It was hard but the best thing you can do is get your child back as soon as possible, its so hard to get that bond back I am still battling with her everytime she sees my mother she calls her mom and thinks of me as her sister at times.

I got my child back when she was 4 years old so dont wast time get her back it will be hard at times but your her mother and you will be fine! The best moments are when she wakes me up in the mornings with hugs and kisses and she looks into my eyes and I see her beautiful smile and I know its all going to be perfect!

Take care and God Bless I really hope it all works out for the best!

Reply to SB
Posted by: KMR | 2005/07/01

To answer your question Star, I do want my child, but I for now thought I'd wait until the end of the year, and take her next year. I nevertheless would like take her during holidays, just to spend time with her, or for weekends. But the problem is that my parents always find a way to frustrate me. They seem too possessive and even asking for a weekend with the child its a huge issue. I really want to stay with her, but this was not the issue this morning, the issue was her staying for this weekend. I hope you understand.

Thanx again for the advice, maybe its time I took her for good, although its a difficult one, given that they have been with her since day 1, I left for school when she was only a month old..

Reply to KMR
Posted by: KC | 2005/07/01

I have the same question as star, but if you want your child back u should take her.

Its not healthy for her to be moved up and down between homes? Take Purples advice, take control. Dont let your parents dominate YOUR and your CHILD'S life.

Reply to KC
Posted by: KMR | 2005/07/01

Thanx all, especialy Purple. You always have good advice.

Star: she is 4 years old.

Reply to KMR
Posted by: Star | 2005/07/01

I am confused, do you want her with you or not? Or do you only want her for the weekend and drop her off again. If you want her, take her and make arragements. It will not be easy but though it out, she is your baby after all, she did not ask for all of this.

Take her and take her permanently, not only when it suits you or when you and your mom fight.

Good luck

How old is she?

Reply to Star
Posted by: Jelly | 2005/07/01

I must agree with Purple.

Purple you have some great advise. Keep it up.

Reply to Jelly
Posted by: Purple | 2005/07/01

You were not wrong.

Your mother is being over sensitive, because although you took things slowly and din't say you wanted your child back for good right now. However, I think focusing on this is not getting to the bottom of the issue, but is a small point in the bigger issue.

What concerns me is your mother saying she would "let" you keep your child with you for the weekend. You are the parent not her. You are the one "letting" her be your childs primary care giver.

I think that this is your golden opportunity to make all necessary arrangements for keeping your child with you permanently. Arrange creche or day care and ensure that your parents know that from now on you will be exercising your right to parent your own child.

Reply to Purple

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