Posted by: Pinky | 2009/09/01

RE: Falling in love with Neighbour

I am in a bit of a predicament. I am a white 28 year old female and i am falling in love with my neighbour. My neighbour is 25 and indian but he has a girlfriend with whom he has a child with. His girlfriend is smittently in love with him yet he does not care about her or the baby. He is the soul provider for everything and the girlfriend just sits at home the whole day with the baby. She does not cook clean or iron his clothes for work he has to do it himself. In the past 3 months he has been coming to my place every single day. The minute he gets home from work he first comes to me and sits and talks with me and makes jokes and we laugh and joke around. All the time with my parents being around us. His girlfriend never comes down to see where he is or wait for me downstairs nothing of the sort. The past week he has been eating by my place because she has never cooked. I even phoned her the other night to ask her to come and eat with us but she said she was tired. Tired at 7 at night even though she does nothing.. He is such a fantastic person and will move heaven and earth for people but yet his girlfriend does not appreciate him. He smses me everyday phones me and even buys me things. We have got a very good friendship but however the other night he got cross with me when i would not go and braai with him and friends. He smsed me and said that i was being horrible and that i didn' t want to braai with him. I smsed him back and said that it was not that but i didn' t want to interfer with him and the girlfriend. He then replied to tell me that he can' t stand her he hates and does not love her that is why he is not married to her as yet. I told him he does love her and that is why he is with her. He said that he had a fight with her and told her to pack her things and go but she does not want to go. Anyway my problem is that for the past 3 evening i have been dreaming about him and in my dreams i see us together being a couple and enjoying each others company. I feel i am falling in love with him and if i don' t see him in the day my heart hurts... I think i feel that i need to be there for him although it is not my place i have a soft spot for him and i have told him i don' t like his girlfriend and he agreed with me. What do i do in this situation...He pays me so attention and i pay him the same back. Please help me with advice if you can..


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why are you allowing yourself to get involved with someone whomalread has a relationship with someone by whom he already has a child ? And you know, from what you say, that he is uncaring and irresponsible towards his woman and his baby, and prepared to cheat on them --- don't expect that he would treat you any better. THIS is what you call "a fantastic person" ?
OK< so for some reason she doesn't cook --- is he unable to cook for himself ? You are indulging in romantic fantasies and getting yourself unnecessarily involved in someone else's affairs.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: MN | 2009/09/04

I agree with Kelly and ???? U should cut ties with him for good.....Taking care of a baby is no picnic.. Baby' s have routines and if u lucky u have a hour to yourself during the day...And then u are paste yourself.....Cut your ties with him.....If he want' s you so badly he will brake things off with u...He just want' s his bread buttered on both sides....good luck and let us know what happened?

Reply to MN
Posted by: ???? | 2009/09/01

Would you cook and clean for a guy that is having a emotional with someone else?and by the way raising a small baby is not a piece of cake either(your comment on her sitting and doing nothing) be very carefull to look for excuses ..., dont blind yourself with the idea that he is so perfect , you are just a conquest for him, and besides he has a common law wife with a baby , why degrade yourself, you should have put your foot down a long time a go , the only one that is going to get it all thrown in her face is you. Your are making excuses and covering up for him the whole time.. it is not fair on you , her and the poor child, if the table' s were turned what would you have think..

Reply to ????
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/09/01

I think you should back off!
Back off far away from this whole situation.
If he is so unhappy and hates her etc then he should break things off with her.So she does not want to move out ... he should find a place for her and the kid and make sure she moves if he wants to move on with his life.

You by the way should stay out of it all.
Cut ties with him because you are the one thats going to get hurt in the end.Indian guys by the way do have reputations for cheating and they are oh so charming so do be carefull.

Make it known to him that you want no part of it, he should not be coming over to you until such time that he and his gf are officially apart.Then and only then can you continue being a part of his life.
Good Luck

Reply to Kelly

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