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Posted by: Pauline | 2004/03/12

Re: Don't know anymore

Well i spoke to him and said we must end it he can't take it anymore, i was in shock and cried and begged him not to break my heart for the second time. He says he's not promising anything, which means why should we carry on.
In true honesty think he's fallen out of love with me but doesn't know how to say it. i felt stupid for begging him not to leave, i suppose i didn't want to experience heart ache again, it to painful everytime.now he knows how much i need him and depend on him.How can i be with someone who wants me gone, even though he loves me so he says, its very hard and maybe we should break it off, then he'd be happier in life without me there by his side. I would do anything for this guy and maybe i was so so wrong for just wanting a little reassurance and extra loving. Seems i told him how i felt and its still wrong..i don't know anymore,,what would you do if you were me???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Pauline.
People often find it hard to expres in words the emotions they are feeling, sometimes not even recognizing those emotions themselves. And in some of these situations, every alternative leads to some form of heartsore, sometimes there's no right answer, and we have to choose the least wrong answer. I don't see the point in begging someone to stay with you if they don't love you and don't act loving towards you --- you deserve someone far better and more appreciative of your good qualities. Yes, losing him may feel hurtful ---but keeping him could be even more huirtful in the long run.
let's see what our other wise folks on the forum have to say

Kitty --- PLEASE don't ask new questions inside the thread of someone else's question, it makes it far harder for me to answer, and most of the time it means I'll never ever see the question at all. Briefly, it's nonsense for him to blame his cruelty after drinking on the wine, without taking personal responsibility for it --- whatever he does when drunk, is the fault of the idiot who chooses to drink the wine, knowing that he gets cruel and unpleasant when he has drunk it. I don't understand, from your question, what reason, other than perhaps hoping he might help with the child ( he must still be held responsible for paying maintenance for the child and for your expenses ) you might have for wanting to stay with a guy who sounds so unloving and so irresponsible.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Frustrated | 2004/03/12

Kitty.
Is this guy the right person to be the manyour kid grows up around? When is his verbal abuse going to turn physical? Ask, no TELL him to get help to stop drinking, or kick him under the butt. You already want to get out, so why are you waiting? Rather be a single parent than have a kid with an abusive (even if just verbally) father. If he doesn't want to let you go, give him an ultimatum: get right or get out.

Reply to Frustrated
Posted by: Frustrated | 2004/03/12

Let him go. That old addage "If you love something set it free, if it returns it's meant to be.". Don't beat yourself up about it. Move on, the right person is out there for you. You might find that letting him go makes him realize what you really mean to him. As far as being dependant on him, you're only as dependant on him as you think you are. Got out there a bit, reconnect with old friends. Letting go can be very hard, especially if you keep thinking "If only I do this or that", so don't. Trying too hard is not going to get him back, if he wants to go, let him. It's not worth it, find someone who appreciates you and loves you back.

Reply to Frustrated
Posted by: kitty | 2004/03/12

I`m be going out wiht this guy for the last 8 years. We broke up once and got together again. When he is sober he can be the nicest and sweetest guy ever, but I got his probleem with him about his drinking. When he is drunk he got rude and say many things that I know he does not mean it. When I ask him about when he is sober than he want to blame it on the wine. In less than two months we will have a baby and I really don’t want the baby grow-up in such environment. On the other hand I really want to get out of the relationship because it is not worth it to stay in it. There are so many time in past that he dissapointment me and everytime I forgive him. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVISE ASAP.

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