Posted by: Anon | 2009/04/07

RE: Am I too immature

I know exactly how you feel because sometimes I feel a lot younger than I actually am. I am 39 years old but I feel a lot younger than the people of my age i.e. emotionally. I was brought up in a house where my parents were overprotective and we are very, very close family. I don' t have any children so I don' t know if that is the problem. I feel so immature and feel that I am not on the same level as them as if I am stupid and can' t have a conversation with them. It feels as if they think I am stupid and talk too much. I have major depression and I don' t know if that is one of the reasons why I feel like this. I just don' t feel good enough.

I also have this charateristic that I want to please everyone. I can' t say " no"  and even if I am tired I will listen to anyone who wants to talk about their problems with me. I can' t be nasty and say I need some time to finish my work or just to relax. Sometimes if feel as if my head is spinning but I don' t want to let people down. If someone wants to borrow money I can' t say no even if I don' t see that money again. It makes me so tired and irritable and depressed. I am taking it out on my husband and he doesn' t deserve it. What can I do? I don' t want to be rejected or want people to think I am nasty.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Do you guys mean you feel immature ( that is, not yet capable of being an adult, foolishly young and not grown up yet ) or do you feel young at heart, younger than your age-group in your interests and activities ?
It's a wise policy to think before talking, not to talk for the sake of talking. And practice saying NO for 2 weeks, to anything except the obviously sensible things. NO money-lending. Sounds like low self-esteem, and a feeling that you need to buy the fiendship of others. At least, when people want to talk and you have work to do --- say "Later, please, I really have to finish this work". They won't hate you for it, and if they did, it'd only prove that THEY are bad people, not you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2009/04/07

Yes, Mary I think you are right. I just did it again, do other people' s work for them just because they smooth talk me. You won' t believe how my workload increased and sometimes I feel like crying. When they tell you you are doing such a good job and help them alot how can you say no?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Mary | 2009/04/07

Well then i am sorry to say, you are going to learn the hard way. You simply CANNOT go through life pleasing everyone, it just doesnt work that way. I dont think that you are immature but perhaps a bit of a push-over.

Reply to Mary

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