Posted by: Ice | 2004/12/07

RE: about boyfriend getting on his feet

Hi CS, and others.

I spoke to boyfriend this weekend about getting his "gat in rat" I tried to do it as straightforward as possible, without personally attacking him or trying to hurt him intentionally. Unfortunately I think I did hurt him because he told me so a while after the "talk".

He seemed to understand where I was coming from. I basically gave him an ultimatum. I told him that I was forced to because of his actions (or rather, in-activity,) He said he will start looking for a job, and he understands that I can't support him forever, and he also said he was sorry for putting me in this position. I only hope that his actions will backup his words, will just have to wait and see if that is the case. I really made it clear that he has to bring his end of the bargain, or no go.

thanks for the support.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like you did what was needed, rather well. There's no way to say what had to be said in a way that will make the other person feel overjoyed and happier than when you started --- but there are so many ways to say it in a demeaning and debasing way, that you managed really well.
And now he gets a chance to show what he's really made of.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Ice | 2004/12/07

Thanks Shaun,

Hi P, ek hoop rerig dat dit nie die geval is nie. ek hoop eerder dis net 'n "bad patch" in sy lewe en hy kom daaruit. as hy nou wel NIE daaruit kan kom nie, of hy is wel 'n lazy-ass dan sal hy die "ultimatum" wat ek vir hom gegee het ignoreer, en dit sal aanwysing vir my wees om die verhouding tot 'n einde te bring.
Ek voel (omdat ek vir hom lief is) dat ek hom darem een laaste kans moet gee om iets te probeer doen.
Dankie vir die advies ek sal dit in ag neem.

Reply to Ice
Posted by: P | 2004/12/07

Ek ken nie die agtergrond of oorsake van die probleem nie, maar as dit nodig is vir 'n dame om vir 'n ou te se hy moet sy gat in rat kry en werk soek (hoe moielik dit ookal in die nuwe sa is om te bekom) dan sit jy met 'n slapgat ou opgeskeep wat geen ruggraat het nie. Enige man met trots behoort te skaam te wees om te sit en niks doen en dat 'n dame hom moet onderhou nie. Jy gaan vorentoe net probleme met so 'n ou optel. Hy het geen pligsbesef nie, as jy by so 'n ou kinders het sal sy seun(s) eendag net so wees en niks fout daarin sien nie, want dit sal in hul bloed wees, sowel as die feit dat hul hom so sal sien optree met alles wat hy doen in die lewe.

Reply to P
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/07

Hey Ice,

Seems like you both are handling this quite well as there seems to be realisation of the effects. Glad to see you carrying this through, & I wish for you the strength to be determined in your decision. Hang in there Ice, you've been straight & honest, what is meant to be, will be from here on...

Good luck,

Reply to Shaun

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