Our expert says:
Riht - when someone does bad things to you, it is never a good idea to do anything that will make it easy for them to change the focus and make you look like the bad guy. "Confrontation" is grossly misleadingly promoted and rarely useful, as you've found. How does he expect you to be "thr loving wife" if he can't be bothered to be "the loving husband" ?
But the trap is the focus becomes unhelpful. This isn't about how many times he spoke to her. It's about whether he cares that you are troubled by this, and need to be accurately re-assured ; about him recognizing that having lied about how many times, even if the conversations were essentially innocent, was wrong and understandably troubling for you.
He needs to understand that "sorry" is something you DO, not something you say.
Marriage counselling, to deal in more depth with what is wrong ( and it's obviously more than this single issue ) is needed
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