Our expert says:
I don't think it is every necesary or even wise to "forgive" the perpetrator of child abuse. Not in the sense of seeking to bring any comfort or encouragement to the abuser. Only in the sense of releasing yourself from feeling tied by bitterness to recall of the events. "Forgiving", sold as a solution by naive people who do not in the least understanding of abuse and its effects NEVER EVER promotes healing.
Sounds like your counselling may have begun to yield some useful insights. You're right, it would be so desirable for people aware of having been unpleasantly abused early in life, to see a counsellor / shrink soon, to get this behind them and be better able to organize their lives in a more satisfying way.
Congratulations on reaching the wisdom of resolving not to allow your abuser to continue to affect you any longer. No need to blame anyone else, especially yourself. You responded in ways that seemed practical and possibly effective at the time. Now, with the wisdom of hindsight they seem to have been limiting and unfortunate in their effects - OK, so you don't need to repeat them, and can modify them fruitfully. And maybe if your husband can join you for a session or two with your shrink, he can better understand how things happened and might be prepared to join you in righting things. If so, great ; if not, well, at least that option was tried, and you can make alternative plans for a happier future for yourself and your child
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